Day 5 Mindfulness Journal

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Day 5
Mindfulness Journal
Mindfulness as a form of Self-Therapy

I’ve been on a quest since Junior College trying to find answers to life. As if a young women would go against the norms and question the very meaning of her being . A philosophical question was posed. What if there was no God? This went against everything I had been taught. My father, a Methodist Minister was who I admired. All we four siblings ever knew were the teachings of the Bible.

All that was about to change when at twenty-one I would have it my way. I put on the back burner everything I was taught, including the teachings of the Bible. Furthermore it never made any sense to me. This began my questioning of the rules made by the ruling class. I looked under rocks, swam across the vast ocean, stood on a cliff and jumped, knowing there was a bottom, but not knowing when I would land.

I was running on automatic pilot. As if there was a being inside of me pushing all the buttons, kicking down the door, running at high speed. From the outside I looked like junkie looking for the next fix, an addiction that would never be filled, trying to feed a hunger, not giving my life what it truly desired, feeling like there was this big question and I had to find the answers.

I would never stop hitting a brick wall. When I did, I would retrace my steps, make a slight detour and move on. Not standing still for too long. Knowing very well water become polluted if it is not flowing. I was like a sailor taking on the challenge to cross the vast ocean to get to the other side. Not knowing where I would land. The sheer excitement of the voyage was what I was after. I found that and more, such has been the essence of my life.

Always wanting to be accepted, but never did I find the refuge in the heart of the other. In the past this troubled me. I would implode and make the same choice. Knowledge is what I devoured trying to find myself. I have come to the conclusion that I had better love and accept myself. Love whom I have become, appreciate the decisions I made, glance over my shoulders and move on.

I have been a tiny spark that grew into a mighty flame, burning a pathway to happiness. A passion inside of me for answers to the meaning of my life. I am worthy I accept this as fact.

Self-Inquiry

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Inquiring into the Nature of my being
and the nature of “God”.
One single thing.

I wake to the sounds of the dog
Scratching at the bars of his cage.

For a moment
I lie in darkness
Tiny lights flicker from a statue.
So I can see.

What time is it?
I always wonder
Feeling better if I’ve slept
A full night.

No, it’s three in the morning.

Before I get out of bed
I slink back into myself
Like a turtle back into his shell.

Thoughts flood my mind
Like the moonlight
On a dark starless night.

I’m everything.
The words come from a place
Deep inside of me.

I’m Oprah, Obama,
Dr King,
Daishiki,
Even Trump.
These thoughts lay gently within me.

Into the arena of Inquiry
I ascend.

A search for the truth
As it appears to me,
Raw and naked
Open and unashamed.

This life is one single thing,
Expressed as everything.

The left and the right of my brain merge into a whole.
I see God at work in everything.

I open my eyes
Wake from the hypnosis and conditioning
Let the dog out of his cage.

We step into the crisp morning air
So we both can feel a sense of relief.

Coming Into Wholeness

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COMING INTO WHOLENESS

@ A Spiritual Retreat

I’ve come to the awareness

Of where I am,

How I got here,

The decision I made.

The actions I took.

I accept my life.

 

My words

Have come from a place

Inside of me.

I accept my life.

My experiences

Have been my choice.

I accept my life.

Every word

Every deed

The stories I told myself

I am responsible for.

I accept my life.

I’ve taken the task of

Coming to this life.

Every obstacle,

A test.

To bring me to the

Awareness of the Self.

A nature that has been

Silent in the background.

Watching,

Listening,

Observing,

Experiencing,

Everything thing in life.

The joy,

The sorrow,

The heartache,

Is complete!

I accept my life.

I take the lead

And guide me to…

Wholeness.

Acceptance.

Compassion for myself.

I love and accept my life!

 

Black Panther Nation

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Black-panther.jpg12

From the lands across the sea,

To the bottom of the ocean floor.

Dwells the spirit of an African nation.

Held down,

By forces of Empire-building.

Living on the earth has made her strong.

Her inner light shines in the morning sun,

Like gold mined from the cavern of the Soul.

A presence resonates in her heart.

On her tongues, spewing from her pores.

She has reclaimed the lost spirit of an African nation

Blood mixed with all manner of people,

Bubbles to the surface,

Sizzles on an open flame

                      Burning for over two thousand years

Spent poison has been released

Like a covering over the earth

Shields life from the cold harsh climate of winter

Black Panther Nation is on the prowl

Coming out from the mountains and low lands

Finds a piece of earth

Settles in for the night

Awaits the morning

For its earthly forage.

Winter in Kentucky

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Tucked safely away behind the walls that shield my body from the cold,
Cuddled up in my favorite chair.
I gaze outside my window.
To see a player on the stage.
Playing a role.
Lost in the script.
Like a bad actor who has forgotten his lines.
So he improvises.
Pulling from the forgotten past.
That he can’t seem to remedy himself from.
A glorious past he remembers.
Not too glamorous for some.
The days of old sting like a whip.
Leaving red lashes across my back.
Arms aching from being stretched beyond capacity.
A glorious reign of power he dreams.
Of might and violence.
Far removed from reality.
This white horse gallops across the stage
Trampling its hooves onto the backs of men and women,
Children alike who have forgotten how to stand erect.
Too long heads bowed,
Shoulders bent from carrying the weight of this white horse.
I beckon you to retreat.
Into the safety of a world.
That which I have written into existence.
That looms over the frigid air of the day.

A New Year of Joy and Happiness

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Mindfulness Journal

Joy and Happiness for the New Year1 (8)

2017 passed away as time and so the ways of old…
Of suffering; of worry and doubt.

Cast onto the vast ocean of life.
Drifting into the horizon.

There,
If one would need more of the same.

Thus a new beginning.
A time to reflect,

As a way of passing and moving into a New Year of promise and happiness.
Where each and every one has their dreams fulfilled.

A state of mind that acknowledges the 3,000 realms of existence.
Filled with the knowledge I have amassed in a lifetime.

That unravel into a narrative that explains how we are like a tiny universe onto ourself filled with the substance of our dreams.

Like living in a bubble which makes more tiny bubbles that follow our wake, that suddenly burst right in front of our eyes.

Sprinkling tiny soap suds on our faces, across our lips,
We giggle like a child with the sheer joy and happiness of the moment:

We are in the vortex of happiness, wanting to stretch it to eternity.
Because in that moment, it contains all of eternity.

All you have known and experienced, what you are experiencing and the cause you are making for your future.

Be it of absolute Joy & Happiness
Happy New Year

Mindfulness Journaling

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Feminine Essence

Laying dormant
Below the surface of the earth and the heels of man
Lays an underdeveloped seed.

The pressure of holding the weight
Of the earth has crystallized its’ nectar
And hardened its’ outer shell.

Each century a circular pattern emerge and
With a tremendous surge of power
Breaks through into the bright sunshine.

Life on the surface of the earth
Brings strange but familiar feelings
So she lives in quiet contemplation.

Among…
The trees, the wind, the rain, the snow
She is a part of nature.

Photo by Steve Johnson on Pexels.com

Blogging 2018

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Winter of Discontentment

This cold, freezing temperature has me frozen solid unable to move, to distinguish what is solid and what is flowing water.

This ache in my belly; this unfamiliarity has me stuck as waves of biting cold lull me into a deep sleep, sort of like a coma that I seem unable to wake from.

The the claws of fatigue drag me into an unproductive stupor; a kind of holding place before I am swept out into the open sea.

Out into the middle of the sea, the frigid water take my strength away as wave upon wave crash onto me. I hold tight to as the hammering continue.

In a bewildered state I see familiar faces and words that I reach and try to grab a hold of which has held me to the bottom of the sea and given me a sense of inner security.

My arms start to flail as find a rhythm that will keep me afloat.

One long deep breath and I am swimming across the surface of the sea.

Days I drift until shore seems approachable.

Nearing the shoreline I see people wave; two males swim out and greet me.

I lay limp as they drape a life vest around me and pull me to shore.

On solid ground I open my eyes to the bright sunshine; to the winds brushing across my cheeks; to the smiles and laughter that greet me; to the arms that embrace me; to the love surrounding me; to the open waters that have cleansed me.

I turn and take one last look at the vast waters that I have just emerged from.

A smile crosses my  lips; a copper glow emits from my skin…

My insides have been emptied into the depths of the vast sea.

Building a Thriving Community

Building a Strong Inner LIfe through Poetry & Talk, Chronicle the Black Woman's Rise, Empower Womyn, Manifest 2017, Womanist Empowerment

We have kissed the feet of Angels.

walked the dark pathway to the Heavens.

sat with the babies!

nursed the sick.

tended to those who have lost their way.

we have stood on the top of the heap!

looking down at the destruction.

saw bodies lying in the streets,

pools of blood collecting at their feet.

i sat looking deeply in a mirror reflection.

at an image that no longer resembles the heart.

a reflection dark and decaying

from a slow death.

i watch as ashes fall to the ground

nourishing the earth.

into fertile ground

that nourishes the soul.

which has taken root.

begins to push through the soil

into bright sunlight.

reaching,

she lives.

her life gives life.

her energy restores,

her community

thrives and flourishes.

her voice heals.

her presence encourages

others in the midst

of theses challenging times.