Day 10 Mindfulness Journal

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Day 10
May 22, 2019
Mindfulness Journal

A Transformed Reality!

The decision has been made.
The wheels are turning
Moving forward towards my destination.

Inner light is the guide.

At a high rate of speed,
I grab a hold of my seatbelt
As the wind blow hair across my face.
Blinding me for a moment.

Until familiar landmarks appear.

A gentle nudge from an old friend,
Deepens my connection to what’s real.

A light squeeze from my aunt,
Turns my heart to butter,
As I settle into the day.

A moment to reflect,
Put things in perspective.
Over fifty years on the surface of the earth.

Close my eyes,
See a different reality.

The road traveled has been my Life!!!

Day 5 Mindfulness Journal

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Day 5
Mindfulness Journal
Mindfulness as a form of Self-Therapy

I’ve been on a quest since Junior College trying to find answers to life. As if a young women would go against the norms and question the very meaning of her being . A philosophical question was posed. What if there was no God? This went against everything I had been taught. My father, a Methodist Minister was who I admired. All we four siblings ever knew were the teachings of the Bible.

All that was about to change when at twenty-one I would have it my way. I put on the back burner everything I was taught, including the teachings of the Bible. Furthermore it never made any sense to me. This began my questioning of the rules made by the ruling class. I looked under rocks, swam across the vast ocean, stood on a cliff and jumped, knowing there was a bottom, but not knowing when I would land.

I was running on automatic pilot. As if there was a being inside of me pushing all the buttons, kicking down the door, running at high speed. From the outside I looked like junkie looking for the next fix, an addiction that would never be filled, trying to feed a hunger, not giving my life what it truly desired, feeling like there was this big question and I had to find the answers.

I would never stop hitting a brick wall. When I did, I would retrace my steps, make a slight detour and move on. Not standing still for too long. Knowing very well water become polluted if it is not flowing. I was like a sailor taking on the challenge to cross the vast ocean to get to the other side. Not knowing where I would land. The sheer excitement of the voyage was what I was after. I found that and more, such has been the essence of my life.

Always wanting to be accepted, but never did I find the refuge in the heart of the other. In the past this troubled me. I would implode and make the same choice. Knowledge is what I devoured trying to find myself. I have come to the conclusion that I had better love and accept myself. Love whom I have become, appreciate the decisions I made, glance over my shoulders and move on.

I have been a tiny spark that grew into a mighty flame, burning a pathway to happiness. A passion inside of me for answers to the meaning of my life. I am worthy I accept this as fact.

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The Working of Your Unconscious Mind

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Like an iceberg, most of what you are is submerged below the surface.

If you look closer through a clear mirror you will see.

I gaze through the crystal blue lake and see the massive ice chunk under the blue.

If you look only at the surface you will never see the beauty of the inner world.

Under the sea, deep in a cavern below is where exotic creature live.

In the unconscious mind, which is summered inside of you houses the mysteries of the world. Like taking an expedition through the many layers of the earth. To reveal the core. The hot molten lava, churning. A fire burns inside of you like a hunger. You feed it many things, but not what it really wants. This unconscious mind wants you to discover its secrets. Take a look and see the brilliance. Like looking at the night sky. Millions of tiny stars twinkle. All universes onto themselves. You are a micro of the great universe. Stop acting small. Understand every thought, deed and word is held in the unconscious, even the events of the world, which is a collective unconscious. Split apart the large mountain into tiny rocks, look at them under a microscope to determine what they are. You have power to remake your life and the world.

Inquiry

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The Inquiry
An Inquiry into the place where the Ego is absent and Life moves as a Graceful Dance!

The mind is afraid because it holds onto concepts and feelings inside a limited concept of the personal self. It passes judgement, lives in fear, languishes in anger, hopelessness and despair.

To merge with the great ocean of life would be a dissolution of the false sense of self. So the Ego clings, holds onto what isn’t real, like sand running through your fingers, there’s nothing to hold onto so anxiety and fear take hold.

I know it’s the familiar and what’s known.
But an inquiry into the Nature of the present is like watching the tide ebb and flow, merging with the present is like disappearing into the vast deep ocean.

You are as the substance of the ocean, able to swim in the deep, able to flow with the waves and Be as a drop of water that joins with the Sea.

Understanding

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Understanding: A Spiritual Practice

The effortless way, by way of the heart
How to transcend your conditioning.

People generally believe that the way they view the world is the correct way to see.

With awareness you come to understand that each religion, each personal view shows us something else and from different angles so that our development and our understanding becomes Universal.

On the Spiritual Retreat you are guided in a way to let go of the need to be right and the self- righteous mindset of the Ego.

You become aware of the unchanging nature of the self and experience a boundless freedom. Independent of what is going on around you.

You are in the center watching as molecules hover, you stay centered with the knowledge that you are the observer.

As the inner world become grounded, you see from the perspective that we are all the same, wanting life and happiness.

Self-Inquiry

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Responding to Text
Self-Inquiry

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Inquiring into the Nature of my being
and the nature of “God”.
One single thing.

I wake to the sounds of the dog
Scratching at the bars of his cage.

For a moment
I lie in darkness
Tiny lights flicker from a statue.
So I can see.

What time is it?
I always wonder
Feeling better if I’ve slept
A full night.

No, it’s three in the morning.

Before I get out of bed
I slink back into myself
Like a turtle back into his shell.

Thoughts flood my mind
Like the moonlight
On a dark starless night.

I’m everything.
The words come from a place
Deep inside of me.

I’m Oprah, Obama,
Dr King,
Daishiki,
Even Trump.
These thoughts lay gently within me.

Into the arena of Inquiry
I ascend.

A search for the truth
As it appears to me,
Raw and naked
Open and unashamed.

This life is one single thing,
Expressed as everything.

The left and the right of my brain merge into a whole.
I see God at work in everything.

I open my eyes
Wake from the hypnosis and conditioning
Let the dog out of his cage.

We step into the crisp morning air
So we both can feel a sense of relief.

Self Aware

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SELF AWARE

I’m not this body
These thoughts
This skin.

I’m not what you call me
Or think of me.

I’m not your property
Do not belong to the State.

Then who am
I
What
Am
I?

I am.
I observe.

Like watching a movie on the screen.
For a moment,
I’m enthralled,
Think I am the actor
Experiencing the scene.

When the movie is over
I’m thinking
About the characters.
I really did like that movie.

I know it was just a character
Not me.

Then who am I?
Lost without a fixed state.

I would be nothing
Without this body, money
This car or home.

Homeless without a room.
Leaves me feeling empty and all alone
Fear takes over
I cannot tolerate this feeling.

I run and hide,
Escape into alcohol, drugs, sex,
Anything to elevate this feeling
Like I am about die.

I can choose to ride this wave.
Hold onto the moment.
Ground myself in the tingling in my toes.

Soon the wave subsides.
I’m a little closer to
Letting go
Of this attachment
To the body and old.

Coming Into Wholeness

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COMING INTO WHOLENESS

@ A Spiritual Retreat

I’ve come to the awareness

Of where I am,

How I got here,

The decision I made.

The actions I took.

I accept my life.

 

My words

Have come from a place

Inside of me.

I accept my life.

 

My experiences

Have been my choice.

I accept my life.

 

Every word

Every deed

The stories I told myself

I am responsible for.

I accept my life.

 

I’ve taken the task of

Coming to this life.

Every obstacle,

A test.

To bring me to the

Awareness of the Self.

A nature that has been

Silent in the background.

Watching,

Listening,

Observing,

Experiencing,

Everything thing in life.

The joy,

The sorrow,

The heartache,

Is complete!

I accept my life.

 

I take the lead

And guide me to…

Wholeness.

Acceptance.

Compassion for myself.

I love and accept my life!

 

Sun Gazing

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The Heart

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I lived with this deep, dark cavern
In the depths of my soul
A vastness that would never be filled.

Like traveling around the globe
Looking for something,
Anything,
That would fill the void.

Filled it with sex.
A pleasure
That was
Ravenous,
Insatiable.

An appetite
For danger,
Unprotected.
Destroyer of happiness.

Caught in a vortex spinning,
Out of control.

Searching for a life vest
In the middle of the ocean.

Drifting on a current
Tossed and turned.

Propelled to the
Middle of the ocean.
Drowning in a
Pool of desire
That would never be filled.

Loneliness consumed
Happiness.

So adrift
On an
Island.
Alone.

Many moons have appeared
Then disappeared.
Many seasons have changed.

Trends have come and gone
Money has reappeared.

Left is a heart broken opened
Seeping
Till it had nothing left.

So it begins to heal itself
From the inside.

Closing the wounds
Applying temporary bandages
Just for some relief.

Until the heart
Has a steady beat
“Put Your Finger on the Pulse
and Feel the Beat,
The Rhythm of Life.”

A path of peace, love and joy
Is the way this heart
Has decided to live.

Knowing desires brings,
Both joy and pain.
Inseparable
Like a fish and water.

Looking from a distance
At the hurt,
Releasing the pain.

A little at a time.
Like squeezing the heart.
Letting the pain ooze out.

Each day a little brighter,
Each moment
Fills a tiny space.

Until the heart is full.
And can rest.
Each day a bit stronger.
No longer searching outside itself
for Happiness.