I lived with this deep, dark cavern
In the depths of my soul
A vastness that would never be filled.
Like traveling around the globe
Looking for something,
That would fill the void.
Filled it with sex.
Destroyer of happiness.
Caught in a vortex spinning,
Out of control.
Searching for a life vest
In the middle of the ocean.
Drifting on a current
Tossed and turned.
Propelled to the
Middle of the ocean.
Drowning in a
Pool of desire
That would never be filled.
Many moons have appeared
Many seasons have changed.
Trends have come and gone
Money has reappeared.
Left is a heart broken opened
Till it had nothing left.
So it begins to heal itself
From the inside.
Closing the wounds
Applying temporary bandages
Just for some relief.
Until the heart
Has a steady beat
“Put Your Finger on the Pulse
and Feel the Beat,
The Rhythm of Life.”
A path of peace, love and joy
Is the way this heart
Has decided to live.
Knowing desires brings,
Both joy and pain.
Like a fish and water.
Looking from a distance
At the hurt,
Releasing the pain.
A little at a time.
Like squeezing the heart.
Letting the pain ooze out.
Each day a little brighter,
Fills a tiny space.
Until the heart is full.
And can rest.
Each day a bit stronger.
No longer searching outside itself
Each day the sun rises and greet the new day,
Yesterday but a memory.
I lay awake for a moment,
Before opening my eyes.
A mood settles in me,
Like the dew on the grass.
Lifting as I become more conscious,
To reveal the cool morning crispness.
How shall I spend the day?
Empty, it is.
Except for the sensations that creep
Into my mind awakening the spirit within.
A morning spent in prayer and appreciation,
For a new day of life.
Lately, it has become difficult to face the frigid air,
My first winter in ten years.
I miss the sunshine of Florida,
The blue skies and waves washing over the beach.
I finish my prayer of appreciation,
And gratitude, vision, and peace.
I venture out into the gray morning,
My senses awash with the crisp morning air.
The wind washes over me,
Like a sheet billowing in the wind flapping between the fibers of my being.
The fresh air,
A sort of newness.
I look to the sky,
Clouds fill my vision.
Like a floating wrapping across the sky,
Keeping everything safely in place.
The winter days have left the trees bare and standing still,
In a state of calm,
I take heed and enjoy the winter of my being,
A-tuned to the nature of the day.
Allowing the cold to settle in my bones,
Strengthening my resolve amidst the cold and barren day.
Afterwards, I retreat into the warmth,
A heart filled with peace and contentment.
Here are a few more traits of a highly evolved woman.
11 Traits of a highly evolved woman
1. Spirit is the foundation of which she builds herself.
2. She embraces her sensual feminine nature of emotional intelligence.
3. She controls her conversation and steers clear from gossip, slander, and negative energy.
4. She identifies pleasure opportunities everyday and indulges in a way that makes her proud
5. She supports other women.
6. She continually increases her self-esteem through small and large achievements.
7. Her personal life, love life, and home life are high on her priority and come ahead of her business life. She knows financial success does not cure loneliness and the need for love.
8. She disciplines and educates herself in finances and grows herself into a wise consumer.
9. She educates herself about men from a place of wisdom, desire, success, and passion, and only moves towards love from a place of wisdom, emotional intelligence, and vulnerability.
10. She understands all children are her children. Teaching, nurturing, protecting, and honoring children that cross her path is a higher calling.
11. She understands that her anger, sadness, and pain are also useable fuels when re-channeled and re-channeling creates deep healing.
What Are the Healing Arts?
The healing arts are creative practices that promote healing, wellness, coping and personal change. Traditional healing arts include music, art, dance/movement, poetry/writing, and drama therapies. These approaches combine artistic expression with psychological awareness and communication and are led by therapists/artists experienced in both areas.
In addition to the traditional healing arts, there are many other forms of expression, connection and self-development that can play a key role in health. These can be practiced with the guidance of a teacher or therapist, but can also be incorporated into your life on your own to gain enrichment, self-awareness, and pleasure.
It was 1987 I had just graduated from the University of Louisville with a BS in Guidance/Counseling with no prospects for the future. I enrolled in Graduate school and continued my studies but soon my plan to spend my life studying at the University come to an end. I had to find a job.
My search for employment leads me to volunteer at the Crisis Center in Louisville, KY as a phone counselor. Soon thereafter, I came to realize how my environment mirrored my emotional and mental state. Oftentimes my pain and anger hid behind walls of shame and guilt.
I did manage to find a job as a Camp Counselor for emotionally disturbed girls, but it was in Brooksville, Florida I left my daughter for over two years with her father’s family that would prove to be a costly mistake that at another time and post I will address.
The camp was in a wilderness setting. Living there afforded me the opportunity for enough quiet time to journal. It was there that I got in touch my own emotions scars whilst I helped the campers through their own problems using Reality Therapy.
Poetry was how I expressed my truth. It put me in touch with my deepest pain and my greatest joy. This was a pivotal point in my life that helped me to discover my passion for Education.
Realizing an Outward Sense of Purpose
I returned home after spending two and a half years in Florida. All I could think about was how I was going to open a program or a home for the emotionally disturbed girl. This never happened. I had to find a way to make a living, education opened to me. I also married the man of my dreams and spent five years in bliss, but this too failed to quiet my restless heart.
I had completed my studies in Louisville a few years prior at the School of Education but teaching was never on my radar. Suddenly I was in the education teaching in public schools. I invested over one hundred percent of my time and effort to make it work. It proved fruitless.
I was an elementary school teacher. Every year I changed classrooms trying to find my niche. I found no camaraderie with my peers or principal. However, there were bright moments in my nine years as a classroom teacher as my practice of Buddhism flourished.
It was within the Buddhist practice that I found meaning and a sense of purpose. I attended two Educational conferences in Florida. There I found a sense of hope. We discussed a renewed purpose for education. It was determined that the single most important factor in changing the world was the educator. This gave me confidence. I returned to school only to be met with resistance and a business as usual attitude.
Disillusionment and the Perfect Storm as I searched for Purpose and Meaning
What I found in education was the opposite of what I learned at the conferences. Education took on a new meaning. Teaching children to take a test was the purpose of education. Giving difficult teaching assignments to new teachers was the protocol. Making children wear uniforms during times of war and insisting on a nationalist agenda went against all that I thought was the purpose of education. This was not the place for me.
Two Thousand One was the Year of the Perfect Storm!
I walked away from my career as a teacher; from my marriage to the man that I always loved; and the faith organization where I had dedicated over fifteen years of my life.
Sitting at home looking for a way to express my grief, poetry and writing open the floodgates to my sorrow. It would flow for many years. Stories, articles, and poetry found its’ way on empty pages. Still, I did not have a way to find meaning and purpose for my life. This would begin another search but I would be more focused and inner-directed.
Realizing an Authentic Sense of Purpose
Thirteen years later, my Blog and now this book I am writing expresses my deepest hope for humanity. I write to express my Humanity and to restore my Emotional and Mental Wellbeing. Writing helps me to make sense of the world. Book Talks are how I will continue with my love for teaching.
I write to reconstruct my life. Writing helped me to discover the Seven Keys to Life. The Keys are a PANACEA for achieving Optimum Emotional and Mental Wellbeing. This is how I will make a difference in the world and fulfill my highest potential as a Human Being.