A Course for Positive Social Chang
A Course for Positive Social Chang
Greetings and thank you for the purchase of my book. I am Pamala, Informal Educator, and Poet.” We, women, are the ones whose sole responsibility it is to shape human life. Therefore, I envision a new generation of women coming of age in the twenty-first century who embrace their feminine essence as a source of strength. The twenty-first century demands a New Human Community, and the New Human Community demands a new twenty-first century. It is women who will lead the next level of evolution for Humanity.
The target audiences are female entrepreneurs, mothers who homeschool and women in education. Males are encouraged, but the emphasis is on developing a feminine source of power.
But first, I must acknowledge that the black woman’s mental health has been shoved to the rear. Our main concern has been to take care of the family. Secondly, we have been discriminated in the work place.
This is the reason I developed A-Seven Step Inner Transformation. The steps are a P.A.N.A.C.E.A. for Spiritual Transformation. They present a new and radically different way of viewing the self in relationships.
The Seven Steps are for the woman who wants to discover an organic source of power which is fundamentally different than masculine power. It is Feminine Power. A latent source of energy that transforms and empowers, not control and dominate. My hope is that the reader discovers her Feminine Essence, which is an organic source of power found within.
This manuscript is part autobiographical, and part Buddhist Psychology sprinkled with wisdom gained through over twenty years in public education and thirty years as a practicing member of Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism. This text affirms the idea that the Black Woman’s cultural heritage connects her to a collective past.
We lost an important connection to our traditional way of life. I propose that because of our unknown heritage, the Black Woman’s role is one of community empowerment thus different from the White Woman’s. Our lives become an ongoing journey towards reconnecting to our lost cultural heritage.
Furthermore, the coming age is one of transformation which necessitate that women become instrumental in co-creating a “Culture of Healing”, which is imperative for the survival of all people on the earth. It is healing that is more about letting go of the things that cause us to suffer. Pain is an evitable part of the human condition. On the other hand, suffering is a choice. When you let go of what is causing you to suffer. You will discover a well-spring of positive energy.
You will have discovered a mighty purpose and a realization of how instrumental you are in reconstructing the new world in the Twenty-First Century. It is a courageous endeavor that will compel you to become a leader in the sector of society where you find yourself.
Furthermore, in this “Age of Transformation” women must become aware of the ways of the Storytelling Mind. It loves stories, especially the ones it tells itself. Perhaps an adult assigned you a role to play in the family. Or, you may have unknowingly adopted a part that you were raised up in your family and as a member of society. You can decide whether you want to continue to live that story or create a New Story that will transform your life.
The most important issue the book will address is the Social Status of Women and the role we will play in the Twenty-First Century.
A webinar is planned for the Spring of 2018 which will help guide you in the implementation of the Seven Steps. One component of the Seven Steps is Mindfulness Journaling. Mindfulness is attentiveness to what is happening in your body, mind and spirit. You will journal and use art materials and capture your thoughts, emotions and feeling and find a way to express them creatively.
Through a practice of mindfulness journaling, you will discover a greater purpose for your life as you awaken, nurture, and enhance the feminine gifts of intuition and second sight. Journaling will help you see how important it is to encounter life as it is instead of how you think it should be. This will assist you in experiencing the unchanging nature of your mind.
Moreover, as you read the book, you will come to know an authentic source of power hidden in the depths of your life. This is your Feminine Essence. It is the key to reaching a powerful destiny? This essence is a foundation of capability.
When discovered it will help you to begin to show up powerfully and create healthy relationships—the type of relationships that empower. There will no longer be a need to struggle for power when you step into your role in society.
The Seven Steps to an Inner transformation are an open and refreshing view of life, which leads to healthy alternative patterns of giving and receiving love. As you begin to embody your feminine essence, you will start to empty your mind of the old ways of “Being in Relationships”, and live an authentic life in your family, society and ultimately the world.
This is a spiritual journey and the next movement in our collective story as women in society. You will begin to experience the unchanging true nature of your mind and develop an autonomous identity as a human being. Step away from identification with the body and acquire a spiritual identification. You will have established an unshakable self.
My Seven Steps will heal and empower the black woman, which will benefit you both in your personal and professional life. Step two is an adaption of Carl Jung’s Feminine archetypes. They are models of feminine leadership. They are as follow: The Faerie, the Lover, and the Wise Queen. When you implement one of these universal attributes and align your intentions, mind, body, and soul, you will be unstoppable. Society is ready for real women who are ready to show up authentically.
Lastly, this manuscript will address the need for an authentic leadership model for young women. Readers will learn how to heal the heart and empower the feminine aspect of life which will help you develop unique leadership skills. You’ll then can adopt a feminine archetype for personal and professional success.
The steps are as follow:
STEP 1: Powerful Purposefulness (Finding Your Place in the World)
The essential truth of life is, we each have boundless potential and power to affect change in our lives and the world. There is a bigger vision of benefiting others, which will reduce self-importance. Life then becomes simple and straightforward.
STEP 2: Acknowledge the Feminine Aspect of Life. It will bring balance and wholeness to the self as you discover a new source of power. This power is flexibility and clarity amid chaos.
STEP 3: Nonfeasance is the failure to act that is part of one’s responsibility and the consequence of not fulfilling your role in life.
STEP 4: Give Attentiveness to the present with mindfulness. Real power is experienced in the present, Mindfulness allows you to connect with the wisdom and compassion of your higher self for better understanding and healing.
STEP 5: Creative Visualization is the process of finding your inner guide for support and guidance.
STEP 6: Evolve Beyond Suffering and enter a time of healing, healing that is more about letting go of those things that cause suffering.
STEP 7: Align with the eternal and universal truth, awaken to the “Law of Life” that simultaneously permeate the universe and the individual self, experience wisdom, compassion, and courage. Achieve your potential as a human being and awaken your heart of wisdom. Visualize a new story that can transform your life and co-create a culture of loving-kindness, compassion, and understanding that will change society.
Overall, the Seven Steps will develop your awareness and self-identity, enhance the quality of your life, and contribute to the realization of your dreams. In summary, the long-term goal of this book and corresponding seminars and webinars are to establish the Value of Woman’s Work and empower a new generation of Black Women who will transform the world. The second objective of this book is to reaffirm the role we women will play in society. We are the guardians of culture, which ensure the perennial nature of humanity. Join me as we realize a vision of Feminist Leadership through a Seven Step Inner Transformation.
An important aspect that will aid your Inner Transformation is the creation of an Empowerment Journal. You can purchase or make one. Use it to reflect at the end of each chapter. In addition, you can create a video, piece of visual art or poetry piece that defines your benchmarks, goals, and stages as you progress through the book. You can post your reflections on my Facebook page; Womanist Empowerment or my Blog womanistempowermentseries.com.
Moreover, this book will launch my online course Empowered Woman: “Building a Culture of Empowerment” will be a benchmark for Building a New Human Community. It is an ongoing endeavor to create a Culture of Feminine Empowerment through an Inner Transformation. Join me by following my Blog and post a comment or book review.
You and I will celebrate as we share our newfound way of being and embody this driving force of cooperation and symbiosis. “Put your Finger on the Pulse and Feel the Beat.” The Rhythm of Life. It is a challenge; I will help you hold the hand of the child within. For that child, anything is possible.
Chapter 1 Powerful Purposefulness:
There is Power in Purpose. Discover your purpose in life. It will direct your actions. Fleeting emotions and transient experiences will not consume you. Integrate the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of life and become a Powerful Presence in society.
the purpose to know oneself
is like tramping across the desert
to find an oasis.
over mountains, through valleys
only to see illusions.
the journey is not complete.
is the only understanding worth having?
all else fades,
when the one thing you have hoped for
many streams lead to the sea;
sometimes it is a long journey,
oftentimes a short one.
one molecule of water rejoins the sea,
and it becomes one with the great blue.
I am an individual,
wanting to see a true reflection,
not an image
someone reflected onto me.
what distinguishes me from the other sex?
the male who flaunts and flexes,
to see which is the bigger.
we, women, too have a muscle;
it is quiet and gentle.
like the breeze blowing off the coast,
akin to sunrise bringing light to day.
We are the Keepers of Culture.
the ones who bring forth life.
come into the splendor and grace of you,
step onto the world stage,
not in the shadows of a second male,
but into your full womanhood.
move into the light,
but first you must first journey back to the womb.
the dark, moist place where all life began.
there is a secret in the dark that likes to hide.
protected behind walls of disgrace.
dug in deep,
used righteous anger to strike,
with words so sharp,
they pierced the skin and settled in the heart.
Shame wrapped her tentacles around my soul.
And began a circular motion,
each year getting harder.
created an impasse.
not wanting to look in the mirror of its mean ways,
shame was not a friend.
it was an enemy of the heart.
I sat with shame,
mindful and aware of the suffering she caused.
like phantoms and ghost,
when I turned the lights on.
I looked at her and the lies she told.
of my unworthiness and dishonor,
I had brought to the body.
I told shame I was sorry and let her go.
shame left me lonely.
she was all I knew.
but, deep down I knew
there was a new way.
a greater life for me.
my true self-sat in the quiet of the day,
soft music playing,
the sun at her back,
awaiting my return.
restored with the heart of a mighty warrior,
I wrote about,
but was too scared to live.
now the dream will not let rest
until it comes into the waking state.
step into this other life
and let go of the tired old ways
that had begun to crack.
slowly pieces of the past fell away,
one piece at a time
until a new life appeared.
I am coming out;
I want the world to know,
a dream of poetry flows onto the page.
words land in the soft creases of the mind.
that small place you have kept hidden away.
a heart now transformed.
the time is now for women to
find an authentic source of power…
intuition and second-sight.
claim your birthright of dignity and honor.
I watched my mother give her home to her oldest daughter
who did not have a place to stay.
she allowed Michael in her home and heart
when my eldest sister needed help the most.
we are the strength of our families and our communities.
we are the noble women of the world;
see yourself as the Great Mother The Goddess. let your light shine through the body that birthed you. your true nature of is…
Abundant and Boundless
The mind is the gateway to connecting with your higher self which slumbers in the depths of your inner life. Mind also connects to the global community and everything in the universe. Open yourself to this greater level of mind and let go of old ways of seeing and being. Create a higher reason for living—one that connects to your purpose—which decreases self-importance. You will have a set of intentions and a clear-cut aim for living that will guide your behavior and liberate you from habitual thought patterns that cause suffering.
The Internet has achieved what humanity craves: with a click of a mouse we can touch anyone, to somehow spread to every corner of the globe, and become a catalyst for uniting the whole of humanity. There is a significant role for you to play. Do something and make a difference in the world. Connect to the greater story of our shared humanity, and co-create with life.
In the Western world, we are so preoccupied with the dark nature of humanity that we have forgotten that our true nature and essence as a people is spirit. Art, music and nature expresses our genuine nature and attempts to capture it in a song, poem or a painting. It is our greater self. We are like a tiny drop in the ocean, but in that drop, is the essence of the sea. If you would only wake up to your potential and acknowledge your authentic spirit, then you would have the power of the sea and be able to move across the land and touch everything.
If you do not focus on your limitation, what is the alternative but to focus on your strength? Each wave in the ocean springs forth out of the great sea then disappears back again. Such is the essence of our Mind. Thoughts appear as immaterial for a moment. Then, once again, they withdraw into the collective unconscious.
The twenty-first century is a time of awakening. It is an inner liberation from the pain and suffering of the body. It is happening and changing our world. You can begin to liberate your heart and give it freedom.
I hold the belief that we are conscious beings with shared experiences, and much that has happened to us recedes into the unconscious. When you are mindful, you will learn how to gain control of your habitual thoughts, words, and deeds and then liberate yourself from unconscious drives.
We have spent centuries looking at the dark nature of humanity. Now it is time to embrace the light and see where this new affirmation will take us. The New Humanity believes in a united consciousness. No longer do we need just to survive. We live in a virtually secure world. Our brains are hardwired and out of date. We need to transform and transcend our old ways of seeing and being in the world.
Science tells us that, for the longest time, we have only used a fraction of our abilities. My tenth-grade teacher one day told me that I was not living up to my fullest potential. As a black child growing up in America, I perceived that I should be silent and accept authority. I grew older and began to question all manner of authority. What were the motives of the adults in my life for keeping me silent? What was the consequence of not voicing my opinion and way of life?
I developed a P.A.N.A.C.E.A, an elixir for the pain and suffering that is concealed in the heart. This P.A.N.A.C.E.A. will pierce the hard exterior that you have enclosed your spirit in for protection. When you release the pain, you will experience a soft gentleness, freedom, and inner peace. Once released, your true nature will appear, and you will know peace and happiness.
Finding Harmony in the Mind and Experience
The mind is a powerful thing. You must examine it and see how it works, just as you have learned how your computer functions. You will not change the design; you will simply know how to harness its power, and have it work for you.
The computer comes hardwired and ready to perform. Knowing how your computer works can help you get a job done. The computer will work as intended. In the same spirit, you must also know how your mind and experience work, so you can utilize the full power of your mind. At any time, you can examine your thoughts. The first thing you will do is acknowledge the content.
What thoughts are you having about the experience? Are they accurate? Where do those opinions originate? Do they sound like your mother, your father, or a friend? Do the words and feelings belong to your spouse? Do the thoughts portray who you are—the boundless, open, non-judgmental being? Are they the ego who wants to be better than, superior to, less than, or unworthy?
Watch your thoughts as a conscious mind observes, like watching a movie. Be aware of them as separate from yourself. Yes, those thoughts want to control. What scene are they playing? You must learn the ability to disentangle from them. Like watching a movie, you can identify with the character, but it is still only a movie, not real life. Such is your true nature, boundless and free. See all humanity with the same eyes and you will know peace and harmony.
Do your thoughts limit your abilities and make you unworthy or not good enough? Have you gotten into something that is over your head? Have you gotten into something beneath your ability? The Storytelling Mind creates images, then evaluate and solves problems. As the brain performs do what it is intended, you can decide which action you want to take.
Feelings, Beliefs, and Emotions
Our ideas underlie much of our behavior. They filter what we see, hear and how we behave in daily life and what we perceive. Beliefs also interpret what you see, hear, and feel. During this reading, examine your beliefs to see how they affect your everyday behavior.
Go one level deeper and arrive where emotions are housed. There you will find two basic emotions: They are love and fear. Everything else is a variation. The fear-based emotions are loneliness, guilt, shame, anxiety, sadness, and depression. They create long-term effects and suffering. They damage the immune system, the endocrine system, and every other system in your body. On the other hand, love-based emotions will bring you emotional and physical well-being. They are a joy, happiness, caring, trust, contentment, and satisfaction. Learn to live with your emotions and release them. You cannot control your feelings, but you can learn to be with them, transmute them, and live peacefully with them.
I can recall two incidents that shaped my belief system and vied for control of my life. One incident happened when I was about eight years old. My parents went to church and left me alone for a short time, but it seemed like an eternity. Sitting at home alone created a fear and a belief that I was unworthy of love and attention. Consequently, this experience left an imprint on my brain that I unconsciously recreated for over forty years. The underlying emotions of fear and unworthiness shaped my life and mushroomed into shame and guilt.
The fear and the belief that I was unlovable cause me to seek out attention in harmful ways. Which lead to shame and guilt. Shame and guilt shrouded my life and caused my emotions to go undercover. Secretly, shame lived and expressed itself sexually. I was pregnant and unwed at seventeen and not able to attach to any man in a positive way. I did not seriously look at my sexuality until I was over fifty years old.
When I moved to Florida and away from the familiar surroundings, I cracked opened my life and peered inside to see how darkness and ignorance showed up daily. Over twenty-seven years of chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo provided an impetus to see my life as it was, instead of what I thought society expected of me.
The very last relationship I had with a man showed how sex was used in my life. I could no longer deny that part of myself. I took a long look in the mirror and decided I did not want to continue to be that way. I have been free of a sexual relationship for over three years. During that time, I have begun to heal the wounds of my heart and create a life that honors the feminine aspect of life and live with a higher sense of being other than consumed sexually. I needed to get in contact with my primary feeling that had gone underground.
There are two critical aspects to feelings. The first aspect is the main feeling that you experience, be it pleasant, painful or neutral. It registers in the brain via the senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. Feeling are natural, but we may think that if the brain registers something unpleasant, then we must get rid of it. Every moment of our sense experience has a feeling tone. Out of this, arises a secondary feeling with an emotional tone. The tone can be joy, anger, fear, or delight.
My primary feelings that loomed before me, but I did not understand back then as a child of eight was a feeling of unworthiness and being unloved. Secretly sex shrouded those feeling mistaking the great feeling of sex for love. Sex kept me a prisoner to be used sexually and never having the opportunity to feel true love.
My primary feeling of being unloved caused me to seek out love in inappropriate ways. This feeling was always with me, but I never challenged the truth of it. It was the wisdom of my higher self that I began to listen to that taught me how to be present with the feeling without becoming lost in it. How do we begin to work with our emotions? Later in the book, I will introduce the mindfulness technique.
Emotions first manifest in the body. What does hurt feel like? Are you confused and angry? Do you appear fearful, attached, or hopeful? Emotions can also cluster together. You can feel lost and disconnected from your true feelings. Do you feel pain? Often pain masks itself as emotional distress. The pain will get louder if you do you respond to it.
I can recall when I was about sixteen or seventeen. I was in a relationship with Frank, my daughter’s father. It was abusive. One day, we sat in his car outside of my mother’s home. We were arguing about something. I cannot recall what, but I do know that I pretended not to hear him. I feigned as if I had left my body.
Frank ran inside to get my mother. My mother came out. I overheard Frank say to my mother, “something is wrong with Pamala.” My mother took me to the house. I can recall another such incident. I was pregnant with my daughter at seventeen. Suddenly, someone was inside of me, taking control of my body. I mentally separated myself from the baby and was detached from the life growing inside of me.
As my daughter grew, this became her predominant feeling of detachment. It created problems for our relationship. She carried this detachment all throughout her life. Our relationship suffered tremendously. She would never be able to go back into the womb, and I would never be able to bridge what we lost. Consequently, she breastfed every one of her children, and she practiced the Kangaroo method of skin to skin with her children. She wanted to experience a bond with her children. She is a better mother due to the experience she had with me.
Problem of Self- Hate, Shame, and Religion
Growing up in the home of a minister was like living in a glass house. Do not throw one stone of discontent, least the perfect image of our life would shatter. One was to walk lightly, or the egg would crack, and the perfect image of family and religion would break open, and our family’s secrets would be known.
My father is an African Methodist Episcopal Zion minister (AMEZ). He preached for over fifty years. I saw him through two marriages and one stepdaughter that I hardly knew. My father was very strict. We did not play cards, listen to music or dance. We were not to burp at the dinner table. If you had to number two, you were to go downstairs to the bathroom.
I appreciate what my father taught me. However, on the other hand, his religion was his foundation. I did not question him or the beliefs. I accepted them as they were passed on to me until I was over twenty-one and had left my father’s home.
I can recall only one fight that my parents had. It was when my mother said she was going to leave. She ran out of their bedroom and into the living room. It seems as if I was the only one home. After this fight, my mother left our home and never returned. This image of conflict and flight left a powerful impression on me. I run from conflict and fighting, feeling if I had a disagreement with someone they would abandon me. Consequently, I withdrew from any disagreement or argument.
During that brief encounter with my parents, I stood between my mother and father, protecting one or the both. I will never know. Father yelled, “If you leave, you go without taking anything.” My mother left us siblings with my father. There was no mention of my dad or anything negative about him. The only one thing I remember my dad saying to my mother was, “You worked and kept all your money, you only had to pay the phone bill.”
Father paid all the bills. I think, secretly, my father paid the mortgage because he wanted to keep the house. My mother did have partial ownership, but she wanted no part of it or my father. She wanted a clean break. I think she was tired of living with him.
After mother left, that perfect image of family was shattered. I was about fourteen. It was the only life I had known family. I had been sheltered from the harsh realities of life. Suddenly I was alone with no emotional support. I became very independent. I decided and lived my life the way I desired. There was no adult supervision. I came and went, and did whatever I wanted. I also suffered in silence and felt there was no one to which I could talk to or lean upon for support.
My emotions and feelings went underground. I had to survive. My feelings and emotions would not surface until twenty years later when poetry streamed out of my life like a geyser from an underground source. I would have pick up the pieced and put them together and create a new self.
The Creation of a Self
During our development as children, we begin to separate ourselves from our parents. There is a realization that we are different and separate. All this is normal, and we begin to create a healthy self-concept. Nevertheless, as we grow and mature, we begin to see ourselves in relationship to others in healthy or unhealthy ways. An over emphasis on competition leaves little room for cooperation, a skill more suited to well-socialized children.
One can create a self in healthy or unhealthy ways. The self I had created and lived for over fifty years was based on fear and loneliness. Not totally aware of the two mental states created by the self, I lived in the darkness and shadow of a true self.
The first self-view takes the experience as I, me, or mine. I created a self of feeling unworthy and unlovable. After that, all my experiences mirrored this back to me. The second mental state is a compared view, which evaluates the sense of self as better than, worse than, or equal to others. This identification repeatedly happens whenever we hold our feelings, thoughts, and perceptions as me or mine during roles we play.
During Mindfulness Training, which I introduce in chapter four, you will learn how identification with the tentative and impermanent nature of your immediate experience creates suffering. The ideas you have about yourself creates identification. The less you cling to your beliefs, the happier you will be.
During the suffering look to the clouds and imagine floating on the lining with a lightness and calm. This way you can release yourself from limiting beliefs and a lifetime of struggle.
What I would want for you is to develop a self that is independent of the human roles you will play. Learn to be wise as you enter each role fully and with awareness and compassion. Let go of that role when your part is complete. Walk into a situation with an openness and the entire world opens. You will be able to see clearly which direction to take.
On the other hand, if you have a pre-conceived notion of how things should go and if they do not you cling. Clinging causes suffering. Let go of the image you have of the self and you will experience fear, but a greater person will emerge, your true self.
When we marry, we let go of being single. When our children leave home, we let go of managing their lives. Another way we identify is by seeing ourselves as members of an ethnic group, religion, tribe, caste, and class. While searching for an understanding of self, do not ask about class, race, or birth. Instead, ask about heart and conduct. We can examine our self-image, our tribe, and our roles and acknowledge they are tentative. We can learn to honor them without becoming lost in the role.
The States of Mind
The Mind receives impressions through our senses. The feelings pass through the emotional center. If your state of life is unhealthy and filled with judgment, fear, anxiety, jealousy and hatred, then those negative emotions will color your feelings, moods, intuition, and instincts. You will respond from that mind state.
If on the other hand, if you were to shift your focus from the outer problem to the inner state that is shaping the experience, then you would have a different perception of the event as it unfolds. Release those states of mind that bring sorrow and foster those that create joy. As mentioned above, the natural state of mind is boundless and abundant. Open yourself to the experience and find the value, because everything is a lesson that you need to learn or one that validates the way that you think.
With an open and boundless mind-state, you can see the situation as it is instead of the habitual way you have previously viewed it. An open and receptive mind-state is your true nature. See the experience without the judgment of the ego or the lower states of mind, such as anger and fear. Then you can respond with the compassion and wisdom of your higher self. Your soul will connect all the pieces and put them together. It is like the search you put into the computer. You will many aspects of the truth. You can determine which one is best suited for your immediate need.
Begin to look at your consciousness and determine what state of mind fills it. Then, you will gain mastery over your life and emotions. There is sadness, anger, self-pity, relaxation, confusion, calm and frustration. These are all-natural states of the human condition. They rise and fall like the waves of the ocean to once again go into the collective realm of experience. Do they trap you? In the west, we have learned that to be happy we must change our external environment. What I would like to suggest is that you start the change on the inside.
The Experience of a Non-Self:
Our roles and self-image are tentative without solidity. Our sense of self is untrue and is only a concept. We identify with our habits, thoughts, feelings, and personality, but these are subjective and bound to change. We may be sick one year and healthy or depressed the next. Therefore, we may respond in a different way. Nevertheless, in truth, our natures are fixed.
The Universal and Personal Realm of Form
Freedom comes when you do not cling to one state of mind. We are spiritual beings that have incarnated into human form. It is a multilevel perspective. Our existence has both a personal and universal level.
You must respect both dimensions if you are to be happy and free.
The Universal Dimension is the Big Picture. It reminds us that all things on earth are transitory and tentative, appearing out of emptiness and then disappearing. When I am facing a difficult or challenging situation, the thought comes to mind: “this too will change.” I cling to the universal perspective of life, and rest in consciousness, and watch the pain fade away. We are here to grow in wisdom and compassion—to grow on the path of awakening. From the Universal Perspective, all things are born, and they will die. Death comes to our best friends and our parents, sometimes to our children.
The second is the Sacredness of Form: the human body. You must respect the body and its limitation.
The Emotional Body
The emotional body is the sensitive aspect of life that filters experiences, perceptions, and memories. It is like a reservoir of possibility, mixing bits and pieces of experience coupled with emotions that trigger a response. It happens in an instant. Before you realize, a lifetime has happened, and you wonder why you acted that way. Emotions control your thoughts, your behaviors, and the actions you take. They have a physical aspect as well as a psychological aspect. They are the bridge between thought, feeling, and action.
I will allude to the deeper experience I mentioned earlier about being left home all alone when I was eight. When my family went to church, I thought my parents did not love me. It colored my life a shade of gray. This experience occurred at a time when I was very young. I was too undeveloped to understand or to take this on personally. After the incident, I could not discern what was good or what would harm me.
A Mind in Conflict
My young mind was in conflict. I believed my parents loved me and wanted what was best. It held the belief that they would never harm me. I held onto that story for such a long time and blamed myself if anything went wrong. It took all my strength to hold together a life. It would take me over fifty years to uncover my true self buried under the difficulties in life.
The emotional baggage I held onto caused nothing but pain. Nonetheless, the pain was the engine that drove me on a journey to find inner peace and happiness. I stripped my life bare and then examined it, like looking under a microscope to discover the source of my suffering.
I found a big black hole that had swallowed part of me and left a void. I tried to find love, thinking it would heal my wounds. Only the relationships I entered in did not fulfil me. The hole grew so deep that it swallowed up my happiness. I tried to make my life work, but it did not because I was standing on the shaky foundation of insecurity and fear.
My emotions made me sick. First, they started as an imbalance in my thinking, attitude, and feelings which caused many years of loneliness, unhappiness and pain. Later, those powerful emotions showed in and around my body as a physical imbalance.
Causes of Sickness and Illnesses
In my early twenties, I had two major surgeries, one was a bleeding ulcer, and the other was a cyst that had lodged in my abdomen. I did not consider that they may have been the result on an emotional issue I was facing. At seventeen I became involved in a physically abusive relationship with my daughter’s father. By ascribing pain only to the physical body, I overlooked the origin of my physical suffering. Then, the only cure was pharmaceutical and similar interventions. The doctor wanted me to take medication, I refused. On some level I knew it was an emotional issue, and medication would not fix me.
Lifestyle illnesses first start off as a spiritual lesson we must learn. It may be a nagging thought or uneasiness that may be prompting us to stop an action or behavior. If we ignore the signs, spiritual warnings will take on a more severe form of physical illness that will stop the inappropriate action.
If we mainly view pain as purely physical, then the illness may not fulfill its intended purpose. Pain sometimes becomes necessary to teach us a lesson that we have failed to get by any other means. You can heal the suffering when you have learned the lesson. Willingness to heal comes from our greater self. It will usually come when we are ready to make some major change in our life.
Relationship Between Emotional Wounds and Physical Pain
Twenty years later and more mature I realize the relationship between my emotional wounds I tried to hide, and the pain felt in my body. The pain spoke so loud I could no longer ignore it. There was a pain in my hip—an impasse filled with tension that was taking a toll on me. I had to change my life if I wanted to be happy.
Some of what I felt was put there by me; the other part belonged to the collective brain. The collective brain is made of all the people and stimuli that were in my environment, including my parents, ancestors and extended family.
To act mechanically was acceptable behavior a thousand years ago when fear was so real, and the environment posed an imminent danger. Humans did not have the technology or sophistication that we have today. My belief is that society and the environment has changed, and we humans have not. The wiring in our brains is out of date. We must retrain our brains to adapt to the new world of the twenty-first century.
The society I grew up in taught me to suppress my emotions and how I felt as if there was something wrong with saying how I felt. My home environment reinforced the notion that children were meant to be seen and not heard. If you were to express strong emotions, then you would be dangerous and out of control.
What I would like to suggest is that feeling unloved is natural and if properly dealt with would cause no suffering. Instead, it was disguised and showed in inappropriate ways.
My emotional suffering acted as a warning that I ignored. I blamed my parents and the men in my life for not loving me. Those intense were the most reliable indicators of how things were going in my mind. They needed special attention that I could not give. Instead, I ran into the arms and bed of men that would gladly give me what I wanted, which was a substitute for real love.
When something happens in our lives, there is a feeling associated with the experience, be it pleasant or unpleasant. Then, the experience floods through our emotions. Feelings come and go. Like a wave, we can watch them and become aware as to what triggers a certain feeling. Each time I felt unloved I would run and try to feed the hunger. But like an addiction, it never did work. I would need more of the same until the thing feeding the addiction failed to feed the hunger and pain became unbearable.
On the other hand, emotions run deep in our psyche. The two most prevalent emotions are fear and love. We know the negative aspects of fear, which often mask as anxiety, depression, and jealousy that bring with them a feeling of unhappiness. On the other hand, love is a feel-good emotion that brings happiness. When we act out of love, such as generosity, forgiveness, and joy, these emotions will bring happiness.
I have found a greater truth in my search to find happiness and inner peace. The truth of my purpose in life. I found hidden beneath the suffering. There is Power in Purpose. When you find your purpose, you will have found the truth of your life, and you will know peace and happiness.
I have begun to build a life that matches what I have inside my head. I cannot control my emotions, but I can examine them from a distance and not identify with them. In this way, I can manage my responses and my behavior and plan a better response.
Finding Power in Purpose is an individual journey that you take. It will lead you on an internal journey through your mind, emotions, and spirituality. The Womanist Empowerment Series will help you find your way away from the struggles of the Ego.
The Individual Body —are the elements and patterns that make up experience. Is the experience under your control? Is it self-constructed? You can investigate to see what is the source of suffering and determine how much you are identifying with it.
To know the self, one must release attachment to any one fixed idea of the self. You were once a baby, and then a toddler, a teenager, and an adult. You were single and then married, a mother and a daughter, a sister, and so on. To forget the self and enter the day with no expectations is to live with freedom and flow and to meet each experience with openness and creativity.
When we take things personally and hold more tightly onto the self, we begin to have more and more problems. When there is no self, there are no problems. You will live life with a lightness and freedom. Scientist tell us that every seven years the molecules in our bodies transform and new ones take their place.
If you are not the physical elements of the body, then just what are you? You may ask, am I the thoughts? What am I? Am I the changing feelings, the memories, my perceptions, thoughts, and concepts? If you base your sense of self on fleeting thoughts and memories, no wonder we live with constant anxiety. According to Buddhist understanding, two mental states create a sense of self.
Creating a Sense of Self
One way we begin to see the self is through self-view. The other way we self-identify is called compared-view, in which you compare yourself to others. It happens unconsciously. My two granddaughters, who are around the same age, are constantly competing with one another and even with me. I beat you to the door. “I won” is the statement I hear Rylie mention quite often.
Rylie is building a sense of self. She lives in the shadows of her older sibling. She tries to wear Cailin’s clothing and shoes as to identify herself with an older sibling. We create this self whenever we identify with our body, our mind, our beliefs, our roles, and our situations. A sense of self happens so unconsciously over and over whenever we hold our feeling, thoughts, and perceptions as mine.
Now my two youngest grandsons are saying mine. “That is mine,” Gray and Camden chime in as the two-stand ready to take the juice as I bring it to the table. They will fight, kick, and scream if the other sibling gets it first. You create a sense of self in healthy or unhealthy ways. The less we cling to this idea of self, the happier and freer we will be. We can enter the role and release it when we are no longer in the role.
You enter a situation as the role dictate; you adapt to the situation instead of having a fixed notion of what the situation is supposed to be. The situation will be what it is, and the task is to know what the situation entails and to enter it with openness and awareness. Brain Research has long since concluded that there is no conceivable place for self in the physical brain; it simply does not exist.
The Individual Unconscious
Patterns of behavior are like seeds that we nourish each time we encounter the true cause. The story I kept telling myself was that I was unlovable and worthless. As I entered each relationship, this was the mirror image reflected to me. The initial seed I planted in my mind at a time when my mind was fertile but undeveloped. I did not have the experience or maturity to interpret the actions of my parents. They were my first teachers in the lessons of life.
As a child, I thought it was my fault that I wanted to stay home and watch Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. As I look back and realize it was just an experience, but I filtered the experience through an inexperienced mind and thought, “there must be something wrong with me.” There was nothing wrong with me wanting to stay home and watch TV when my parents left. As I sat alone at home, I felt worthless and unloved. A tiny seed took root in my mind. It stayed there until I decided to pull out the root.
The seed I planted in my mind grew until it had become a darkness filled with negativity. It started to consume my mind. I tried to fend it off by studying self-help programs. The programs only touched the surface of my iceberg. I buried the real problem under fifty years of living. Year after year of chanting and meditation plunged me deeper until I reached the source of my suffering.
I held onto my belief system. It was all I had, and I am grateful for what it taught me. However, like a worn-out shoe, it no longer fit my higher purpose for being happy and at peace.
If you want to be happy and at peace, then you must dismantle the belief system that has you stuck on rewind. You move one step ahead and then rewind. If I was on re-wind, I could only go so far.
There is a bigger dream for my life. I watch it unfold and my vision appear. I must retrain my brain, so it can move me forward. If unconscious beliefs are in my subconscious, they will have a negative effect on me.
Once I brought my feelings of unworthiness and unlovable to a conscious level of awareness, the only thing left was to heal and move on. I let go of the story of being worthless and unlovable. I have found a greater story to put in its place. Discovered was a better way to move me forward to a higher level of being.
I began to see myself as worthwhile, with something to give to humanity. It is my writing and my poetry that healed the deep wounds of the soul. My soul kept me searching to find the key that would free the monster that had been living in me.
The ugly monster had grown so large that it loomed in front of me, and I could no longer ignore it. Its effects were tension and anxiety. I was anxious that someone would discover my secret and I could no longer feign ignorance. I had to address that I was responsible for my life. If I wanted to be happy, I had to let go of what was making me so unhappy.
The Ancient Unconscious
The United States has waged war since time beginning and consequently has acquired a storehouse of death experiences. In another instance; the state acts as the Lord or God of humanity by sentencing someone to death. We are a silent witness to this atrocity. This death experience amasses energy in the collective unconscious. When some unseen or unimagined atrocity visits the people one asks where did it all come from, how could this have happened to my family or me?
We elect a government because we want them to act with a higher sense of morality. They are no different from the man who kills for self-preservation.
Your agreement to this murder registers in the collective unconscious. It becomes a giant black hole. It grows larger, filled with the actions of everyone in the state. You continue to turn your back to the atrocities of the state. You are guilty by supporting evil with your silence.
We, as a part of the state, have silently agreed to the killing by paying the government with our money and agreement. We are collective in agreement with violence and killing in the name of the state. It is no wonder that, on an individual level, we experience violence in our lives. This murderous past has been like a shadow in our lives, casting a darkness that no one wants to accept responsibility for.
I have considered the abyss and jumped in to see the bottom. There is an end, and then there is the slow climb out of the darkness and negativity. All the negativity rest in our collective unconsciousness until the moment of its birth into the waking life. As we awaken to our power, the darkness begins to shrink, and we begin to see the light on the planet.
The problem is that a small group of people maintains all the wealth and power in the world. Why would these people become corrupt and destroy the very people they depend upon to gain their wealth? Why would those same people destroy the very air, soil, and water that everyone needs? A bigger reason lingers in the collective unconscious. Many persons may be institutionalized. This case, a Government Body, there is the possibility of a substantial deviation in values.
When a bureaucracy grows up around religion (Christianity), powerful forces within human nature come into play that can work against the original intent of the founding fathers of the Constitution of the United States.
Ultimately, the power, prosperity, and survival of the infrastructure can take priority over the very laws it was supposed to protect and teach. Power leads to distorting the teachings to support the continued existence of the religious bureaucracy and those in authority. The use of the Bible to uphold slavery and the existence of Jim Crow Laws are two examples of this.
Spiritual Independence is inherent in the individual—this is a boundless and uncorrupted part of humanity. You have the power to bring forth this potential in your everyday life. Your independent nature is apart from your allegiance to a nation ideology or family values. It is the difference between dependence and self-reliance, deference and empowerment.
All people can connect to the power of spirit. It is a driving force to be powerful and assume control over one’s destiny. On another level, there is also an opposing force within the human heart. This struggle of the heart consists of the struggle we wage in our hearts against our inner darkness or delusion—a battle against the negative and destructive forces within us.
Through strengthening our convictions and beliefs that we possess this powerful nature of boundless energy, we can break through the darkness obscuring our goodness.
The tension between good and evil is especially evident in those holding positions of authority in both government and religion. Evil unchallenged will consume everything.
There is a need for a sort of Spiritual Independence to be able to discern evil from good and have the strength of character not to fall into condoning or looking the other way when a person creates a great evil. It is by confronting the evil that we can cause such people to open their eyes.
Hearing voices resounding with justice has the effect of activating the dormant good nature in the evil person’s heart. You must not be afraid to speak up or act in a way contrary to the widespread way of behaving, be it at work, home, or in your community.
When you see evil in others, you have the potential for evil within yourself as well. By speaking out against any action that hinders the social good, you strengthen your power to contain the evil within yourself. It becomes crucial that you address evil or fiendish functions during your life. To be passive in the face of such forces would be self-defeating because those forces are not passive. The idea of Spiritual Independence is a self-empowering philosophy.
Relationship with Life
Society teaches people to hide emotions and feelings at an early age, and to be ashamed of them, and, better yet, to be afraid of them. I grew up in the Sixties in a minister’s home. I lived with the idea that children were to be seen and never heard. Consequently, I was a silent person that did not have a voice.
I never had the opportunity to voice my dreams. My parents never acknowledged them. Consequently, I never knew what they were. My father was the only voice that I heard, so I internalized his voice, and I took on his life even without thinking. I never told my parents how I felt about anything, and they never asked. I stuffed everything down into a deep, dark cavern. I was a shadow in my home and school and society. The relationship I had with life was one of feeling victimized by life and people. I held people at a distance for fear of them getting too close and hurting me.
I never spoke about what I felt. I was like a ball of churning emotions bottled up inside. On occasion, when someone did make me angry, I would explode. No one had better say the wrong thing to me. I am liable to go off on them. In the relationships with men, I usually let them take the lead. I would follow until I tired of them and the patterns we were living. If I tried to voice my opinion, the male would leave. I entered relationships on false premises. I secretly wanted the man to take care of me. In my mind I thought, if I do what he asks of me, then my needs would be taken care of; they never were.
The relationship with life that is healthier is to begin to cultivate a shared partnership with life. Today I enter relationships as an equal partner. I have something to give and something to share. When I show up as an authentic person with a voice, then I am respected for who I am. I often thought that no one wanted to know whom I was. Or, if I did show up, the person would be envious. I did not want to offend anyone or make anyone feel inferior.
One male that I dated told me that I was too much of a woman. I did not understand what he meant, and I never asked. Another male I met told me not to work too hard. What did that mean? I always did my best and often was an overachiever. I wanted to be the best at what I did.
I want to change the way I appear in the world!
The way that I think.
The way that I live.
The people I am around.
I want to change the way I speak.
Speak positive words!
Speak words of truth!
Speak a new reality!
I want to change the way I think!
I can help other kids change their life.
I can visualize a better future and not…
Let my past ruin any chance for tomorrow.
UPPER “G” Pinellas County Jail
Journal Activity: Respond to the Poem and chapter; create a poem and written or verbal response to the chapter. Post this on my Facebook page.
Meditations and or Prayer: This meditation will allow the universe to come into your life. Lay quietly, center on your breath, and see the glow surrounding your life. You visualize and see the ocean; see each wave and each water molecule. See yourself surrounded by water, feel the immense volume of the ocean. Bring this awareness into your body. Feel the universal and the personal aspect of life.
Put your Finger on the Pulse and Feel the Beat…
“THE RHYTHM OF LIFE”
Tune into the Rhythm of Life.
Like lying face up to the sun,
The smell of the sea in the air.
Let the waves move you,
Gently tossing you to and fro
As they roll in from the vast unknown.
Close your eyes and embrace the moment.
Your senses are awash.
In an instant,
You are at peace with the world.
Every cell in your body is the Rhythm of Life!
There is a song playing in the air.
You dance with the music.
The rhythm lifts you into the air and tosses you around,
Twirling faster and faster, like a water funnel.
The vortex begins to attract goodness
You open your eyes and welcome the sun
As mist and the water’s edge
Look like they are holding hands.
As if, the earth and the sky are kissing,
Passion fills the sky; thunder strikes.
Love is in the air; you take a deep breath.
Joy comes to your body,
Infuses your mind;
The essence of you has been kissed by the day.
Law of Life
Contained in me
The Law of Life.
Death made clear
I am not afraid you see.
End holds no mystery
Life, no longer live in secrecy.
I bring attention to…
Lies, distortions of truth,
Fashioned in me.
Discarded, of no use.
End holds no mystery,
Life, no longer live in secrecy
Through the haze, the darkness
I can clearly see.
My true self-emerge,
Ends hold no mystery,
Life, no longer live in secrecy.
Cannot believe what I see.
Life is so differently
That was taught to me.
I chant to resolve the complexities.
To see my life, it’s’ entirety.
End holds no mystery,
Life, no longer live in secrecy.
The law of life taught to me.
A better world.
Right in front of me.
End holds no mystery,
Life no longer lives in secrecy.
I see beatifically,
Nirvana, heaven on earth
Can be a possibility.
A condition of life
I hold so previously.
End holds no mystery,
Life, no longer live in secrecy
The universe and I are one,
One lineage for all eternity.
End holds no mystery,
Life, no longer live in secrecy.
As heir to the law
I enter faithfully,
Creativity, Wisdom Freedom.
End holds no mystery
Life, no longer live in secrecy.
Manifested in my heart.
A direct link to humanity.
Life-to-life transmits the law
End holds no mystery
Life, no longer life in secrecy
No longer afraid to see.
My life explained to me
Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo
Sets me free!
End holds no mystery
Life no longer lives in secrecy.
There is this self-waiting to be discovered,
Wanting to reveal itself to you.
There is this self,
Covered over by skin enclosed within you.
Beneath matter and time.
Also, the story you tell yourself.
There is this self-separate from the identity you cling to:
The wife, the mother, the doctor, the nurse,
The outer self that needs to control and feel superior.
There is this powerful presence
Inside the tree,
With the potential to reach the sky,
Encoded in its’ DNA
The plan to grow produces food and shelter humanity.
In the jungle, where ever it may be.
The tree needs sunlight and rain to grow.
If you fail to nourish the tree,
It may never bear fruit.
Not fully reaching maturity.
You are a tree!!!
With a little love, you will grow.
Because of the evolution of time,
Your parents and society may not have
Could help you be free.
Everything that happened to bring you to the place,
A place where you are self-sufficient,
Able to take care of you.
What do you need to grow?
Love, faith, and truth;
Healing that helps you let go of the things,
Stunt your growth.
That keeps you from being that mighty tree.
Those limiting beliefs,
The poison you take into your body.
The evil that festers in your belly,
The pain you hold.
That which has hardened your heart
You show to the world.
Dig to the core.
Also, find the Diamond like self,
With its many facets that sparkle in the light.
You must step into the light,
Detach from the outer self.
Let the sun illuminate all darkness in your life
You will discover
Your Authentic Self.
CHAPTER 1 Journal Entry ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter II Align with the Black Woman’s Power
The Feminine Aspect of Life Cannot be controlled: Discover the True Essence of the Black Woman
Value of The Black Woman
What is the Value of the Woman to the World?
What is the Worth of the Woman to her Fellowman?
Where does the Woman stand?
When there is no room at the table for her demands?
You hold the world on your shoulders,
The baby on your breast
So, he can grow strong.
How does the man treat the woman who gave him life?
Now he is a man;
He thinks less of the Woman.
You are the Sky!
The Moon and the Stars.
You Light up the Room.
You give so much of Yourself
You barely have anything left.
You are everything.
Believe in your Worth,
The color of your Skin,
The texture of your Hair,
The swagger in your Hips.
You are the best!
Love is your Strength,
Love gives you Power,
To Transform any Man.
Open your arms wide.
Embrace the whole of Humanity.
Woman, you are in demand.
Is an idea about how Black Women can fashion a new language from our experience in society. We must learn to value and validate our own experiences through writing and telling stories. One never arrives but always strives to construct a life that expresses a True Self. It is a path of Self-Realization and understanding.
We, women, must bear a double weight. It tugs us away from understanding the collective story of women in society. We must take care of the family and us women face discrimination in the workplace. We have not recognized our collective struggle or victory, and this has hardened and disempowered the Woman.
We needed to survive but let us do more that survive let us thrive. Furthermore, we have lived through the masculine form and accomplished some amazing things. But what is truly required of women in the Twenty-First Century will take courage and compassion and feminine strength. We too have muscle, but it is gentle and filled with love, compassion, and courage.
Recognize that Real Womanist Power lies not in anger and destruction but in Self-Knowledge, Self-Reflection, Understanding, and Transformation. We females are able to heal our mind and body as we discover a source of power within. Become a powerful woman who is entirely confident in herself and can serve as a role model would reflect on more modest attributes of the Queen. Ideally, all women in “leadership positions” would also, largely embody the Ideal Queen.
Realize there are two aspects of life, both male, and female. We must understand them both to be successful. The feminine receives and transforms then let the masculine act in the world. The female and male aspect of life work together to generate this creative force. But first, we must acknowledge our feminine essence.
My Blog, The Womanist Empowerment Series (WES) which I started over four years ago addresses both the emotional and spiritual needs of the Woman as she defines what role she will play in her family, in her relationships and ultimately the world. Also, the (WES) will provide a way to heal the woman’s heart, mind and body so she too can fulfill her destiny.
Another area WES will discuss is the allusion that the Woman is invisible in society. We live with the false notion that chauvinism is natural, so why to talk about it. It is pervasive, and our silence enforces its invisibility.
We Women also encounter a subtle message that fosters the concealment of our emotions and thoughts. We grow up with the idea that our slave mothers were not mothers and women and did not have an obligation to their off springs. Being denied kinship a searing anger hides.
With slavery as our backdrop, our moral posture collapses before a greater need for self-esteem and our search for our value. Externally searching is a source of misconception and escape. Women find no possibility of developing an adult personality with sensibilities for motherhood nor a community of women who would support each other. The woman avoids the necessity of taking care of herself and assigns it to others. She feels confined physically and powerless in her body.
The Woman’s story is one of despair, anxiety and frustration. We have found our lives confined to the prison of our bodies. (WES) will define the problems Women face and viable answers relevant to our lives in the Twenty-First Century.
The Warmth and Mystery of Being a Black Woman
With the World-Wide introduction to Hip Hop Music, the Black Woman has exposed herself both sexually and physically leaving nothing of a mystery. She appears hard and sexual. She has lost her power. She thinks she can have it all. Singing makes her seem powerful. But she has no real power because she has given it away through her need for approval.
On the other hand, being mysterious is the Black Woman’s power. She cannot be controlled by money or power. She keeps her power and walks with it, covers it, and keeps something for herself. It is in her walk, her talk. She walks from the place deep below the waist. Her mystery is her essence; no one can possess it. We Women must learn to keep something for ourselves. Do not let men exploit your body as a sexual instrument. Seek attention you want when you are at home in your body.
I took a moment to self-reflect. I felt hard and cold. The flow of love from my heart was restricted. It revealed itself in tension on my left side. It showed as a hard knot on my wrist. I wondered where it came from. It disappeared as mysterious as it came.
The body will send messages if only you listen. I did not listen, so the message became louder. I could feel tension on my left side. It was as if a long band stretched. Along the path knots started to form. Only now, as I try and extend my reach, I cannot because pain replaced freedom of movement. I knew the left side was the path directly to the heart.
I had cut off the path to my heart. I felt a stroke was evident if I did not change. I had to reconnect to my heart again. Without the heart, my words had little effect. I was confident of the words I spoke, but they were harsh and without real love.
Black Woman’s Role in Life & Her Motivation for Living
Akin to West African Folklore, stories express the lifeblood of a culture and the roles men and women play in society. This is important for the essential nature of culture to survive. It teaches the values and morals of a group. WES will deliver the discourse through Poetry and Talk.
Black Women are heirs to a legacy of Black Art. It espouses Self-Determination, Self-Reliance, Self-Respect, Self-Defense and True Self-Consciousness as a means for empowerment. Black becomes an identity in the search for meaning and purpose.
This book portrays the black woman not just surviving, but also thriving on her own terms, a complete Black Woman.
Black Women, we must become visible in the world. We are the ones who must validate our own self-worth, existence and care about womanist values. The Black Woman must heal herself first and conduct self-therapy that documents our suffering and makes it accessible to others. What is the one thing in life that we women must maintain?
We Women are the very foundation of society. When we stand, the whole of Humanity will rise. The earth needs both masculine and feminine power. There is balance in nature. Even though the male and female are not clearly defined, both are required for life to exist.
There is a greater need for Black Women to adopt a womanist perspective for the future of ourselves, our children and the world. A collective story that honors the story and life of Black Women and the world we live in. You can write your own story. You are the author, director, and lead in the starring role.
Sources of Female Leadership
First, Womanist Leaders, to fulfill your role properly, would do well to embody the best qualities represented by at least one of the following archetypes. Archetypes are, by their very nature, universal and indestructible. They are not irrational forms of thought, rather they are supra-rational, beyond the parameters of logical thought and if we accept the idea of a collective consciousness as an image for a deep cultural foundation common to Humanity, they are universal—hence their power to move, to affect and influence.
The archetypes are viable because they furnish us with an intuitive shortcut way to grasp the essence of a group of attributes that connect directly with the unconscious mind. These archetypes provide both spiritual and emotional pictures that immediately connect with individuals and groups. It is a better way to grasp a Womanist model of leadership instead of relying on intellectual analysis of individual attributes.
I will borrow Carl Jung’s archetypes for female leadership. He distinguished himself from noted Psychologist at the time. He recognized and acknowledged the existence and meaning of the essence of the personality —which earlier thinkers have called the spirit. Jung recognized and valued those aspects of a person’s whole being. A modern positivistic science denies the spirit and only acknowledges and perceives the material world.
Jung accepted the spiritual dimension to understand the character and the complex system of beliefs, attributes, and virtues that make up a person. If we are to understand leadership as a character trait, then it too becomes agreeable that we ascribe it a more spiritual understanding.
Jung’s concept of the archetypes arises from the repeated observation he made, for instance, of the myths and fairytales of world literature. The literature contained definite motifs that cropped up everywhere. We often see the same themes in fantasies, dreams and delusion of individuals living today.
The King, Warrior, the Magician and the Lover serve as male archetypes. They serve as a model for leadership. Jung’s idea of complementary opposites provides a foundation for the understanding of the unique qualities that characterize female psyche and serve as useful models for characteristically feminine ways of presenting leadership.
Leadership is an elusive subject not easily recognized because there are complex qualities in the actions of others that elude easy categorization or analysis.
In ancient times “natural leaders”, were persons who possessed the ability to motivate and direct others. Ancient leaders assumed the role of leader at birth or rose to the province. If the person happened to be of weak leadership ability, training would compensate for the weakness in leadership ability.
Culture became more complex and social roles followed. Leadership roles have mainly become increasingly “gendered” to reflect social realities.
Paths for Girls and Young Women
If the Prince develops through the path of the warrior, the princess develops through the path of the Faerie. If you are to evolve to your fullness, you must earn your Queenship through a path that involves trial and suffering as the way to experience and maturity. It is the path to Queen Ship.
The Faerie is a symbol of all that is fair and beautiful, all that trends material existence. She produces poetry, music, and history. The Fairies virtues are intangible and ethereal. At times, they can seem self-sacrificial. Just as if the warrior appears most fully when he gives himself over to death in an act of self-denial, the Faerie seems most thoroughly when she denies herself intercourse with men. This is the source of her power. She places herself outside of any man’s power. Thus, she can inspire and attract.
An example of Faerie to Queen is Ester in the Bible. Ester agreed to marry Xerces King of Persia, as a possible mate for the sake of her people. The people selected her to be the new Queen. Since she does not marry for love, but rather for duty, she is free of passionate attachments and partakes of the Faerie.
She embraces an unrestrained life force of Eros or pleasure in life itself. This archetype is life-affirming and creative; one known modern example is (Beyoncé). She eschews order, sacrifice, and rational knowledge. She is not easily reconciled with the orderly world of Queen. She poses a problem in the context of leadership.
There were many lovers in my life. I thought I could contain their power. My husband labeled me as insatiable. I was akin to a feeling of hunger that could never be quite satisfied. You will find the reason below. I wanted to be lost in the sexual passion and lose myself inside of this man, become one with him and absorb the power I thought he had.
The Lover is suspicious of the knowledge of the Wise One because The Wise One has transcended the Lover phase. The Lover seeks to empty herself out and merge or become the beloved. The Female Lover gains the tremendous power of transcendence, but she is subjected to “the other” and, therefore, lacks freedom of the other archetypes. This is her power and limitation.
(The Wise One)
Another path to Queen Ship leads through the archetype of the Wise One. The Wise One lives in the shadows. She is at home near the earth, even inside the earth, inside the dark, moist primordial womb; she is at home on the land.
The Wise One is no longer young. She is mature, rooted, and likely to be old. She is a Mother or likely a Grand-Mother. She has been a companion to male, she may have even loved a man, but she now transcends all that. She has reached a state of superior wisdom.
Her subtle mind seeks not to penetrate beneath the surface of things and probe the mysteries of nature; rather she looks inward into the mysteries of being alive. This earthly knowledge extends to the body more specifically the distinct realities of the female body. The male did not understand this type of woman and she was not under his control, thus during the time of the Inquisition, men in power labeled these women as witches and killed them.
It is natural for the Wise-One to seek separation from her sisters who toil in the world. Her quest for unique knowledge requires long hours of solitude for study and reflection. The Wise One becomes a Seer or an Advisor. She may rise to be Queen becoming The Wise Queen.
Historically the Queen of Sheba and her counterpoint Solomon fit in this category. The most powerful and inspiring of the archetype of the Wise One is the mystical Figure of Sophia—The Rise of Sophia as the symbol of Divine Wisdom.
I too myself have lived a life of solitude. When I was young, it was a source of suffering. A friend drew the conclusion when asked where I had been. My time spent was with a man. Now I understood the power of the Lover in her quest for power which I allude to later.
Female leaders, to fulfill the role properly, would do well to embody the best qualities represented by at least one of the mature feminine archetypes.
Sources of Feminine Power
The Emotional Center is where you will begin as you examine the relationship you have with yourself. You will be able to connect with the younger self and mentor her, because, “when you hold the hand of the little girl within, for this little girl anything is possible”. You will begin to believe again in your dreams and find a way to fulfill them.
The actual nature of feminine power in not control, repression or domination, it is flexibility and clarity amid chaos. It is the ability to relax in the face of danger so that you can access the situation and take the proper course of action. Awaken to the Three Power Bases and Co-Creative with life. Have belief in yourself and the contribution you give to the world. Live a life that is meaningful with Self-Confidence.
There is often a gap between who we are and the ability to realize our full potential. By looking at the three Source of Feminine Power, you can begin to close the gap between men and women and discover your full feminine power. It will help you to realize your full potentiality. Do you yearn for something more? Are you restless and anxiety seems to take control of your mind? Do you wonder what is happening? You are awakening to the possibilities of having much more. You are not sure what is happening, but you want to know.
You can create a life that expresses your true self. It is significant that you do this. The future of your happiness, the happiness of your children and family and ultimately the world is at stake. The power you seek is inside of you. When you learn the three sources of feminine power, you well begin to see the world differently and live life from an expanded view. First, you will learn how you can access this power. Secondly you will discover a loving relationship with yourself then with others? You will understand how to create and cultivate an alternative power source.
First, you can access the power to surpass personal patterns, then Co-Create the future as you realize who you are and lastly, attract the Collective Field of Support.
Power is about evolving beyond beliefs and your world-view. Mindfulness training will liberate you from old patterns and the inner glass ceiling. It will be taught during the Mindfulness Training in Step-4. You will learn how to look at your thoughts and watch them without attaching and labeling them as (mine). Your emotions will no longer be an issue. You will learn the nature and patterns of your behavior and become liberate yourself from them. You will break through to the other side, where you will find freedom and become your real self. You will learn to shift the belief you have about yourself and learn the power of relatedness.
You are the person you were always looking for to help with your dreams. You become a loving mentor to your younger self; See clearly a new way of showing up.
Another aspect of Power is to Co-Create with Life. Learn how to cultivate a positive relationship with the energy and intelligence of the Universe. We as women are yearning to realize our highest destiny and utilize our gift and talents in the pursuit of life where we can experience its’ fullness.
Your voice is ready to be unleashed in the world. You will be able to navigate to a future that does not exist, and you do not know what it looks life with confidence. When you make a shift from your goals and step into a full partnership with life. This is how your deeper desires with being unleashed. You will gain the courage to take the risk, and even though you do not know how everything is going to turn out you will trust in life.
Feminine Essence & The Wild Woman
Feminine Essence is the power of unity, connection, and relationship. The Wild Woman is the dark side of the feminine mystique sprinkled with a positive aspect to life. She lives inside of each woman. I am not talking about ecstasy, but that thing that makes womanhood. It takes courage and passion to awaken her. There is a way that you can activate it. To feel the ecstasy of your feminine essence, you must be able to shift your attention from your endless to-do list back to your body.
When your attention is inside your body, you become present. The more comfortable you become with your body, the more ecstatic you will become, you will discover more energy and ecstatic and be joyful. You will feel a connection with your body. When you embody this essence and communicate with someone, you will feel warm and a sense of connection. Activating your feminine essence increases the passion and ecstasy in your life especially in your love life.
Power & Feminine Essence
There are two ways to wield power—through assertion (masculine) or attraction (female). Our society operates primarily in the masculine; many of us automatically use assertion over the attraction. Connect to your feminine essence. Turn the power of attraction “on” and indeed, life will work for you. You generate a feeling of authority within yourself no matter what is going on around you; you do so without any effort. Your feminine essence is a great source of internal power.
It is effortless; it reminds us that life is a lot easier than most people live it. It offers us the invitation to soften our body, enjoy the moment, and trust the flow of life. We do not have to push to make things happen. When you activate your feminine essence, you make certain physical, energetic and emotional shifts. Let us look at both the ying and yang of life. In the world of Traditional Chinese Medicine, two opposing complementary forces make up the energy. Yin, (feminine) and Yang (masculine). Ying and Yang work together to create harmony and order in the natural world.
When the two or out of balance, resistance and ultimately disease (dis-ease) result. Both Ying and Yang are integral pieces of the puzzle that create balance, passion, and sustainability.
The feminine essence opens to receive whether that is emotional support, insightful guidance, help to get things done around the house or favors that can help her business. We women give and give to our children and the man in our life the job and give little to the self. The feminine essence is the power of unity, connection, and relationship, which weaves all the creation together rather than just focuses on the individual.
A woman living in her feminine essence longs to connect with what is around her. She wants a relationship and to be loved. Ying represents the dark side. A woman in her authentic feminine power knows how important it is to look at the dark part of herself she keeps hidden. A powerful feminine woman understands this and honors all those parts. She also knows that to pretend our individual or global challenges do not exist is dysfunctional.
The feminine essence is mysterious. It is feminine energy that runs through the body. It often feels watery. It is soft, fluid, flexible circular movement that we often feel in our hips and belly not the tensed up and stressed out energy that runs through many bodies today.
Ying is the earth-element. A woman in her feminine essence is in touch with the natural environment, with Mother Earth with the tides of the moon and her relationship to all animals
In the West, people have forgotten the feminine gender. We are stuck in the idea that the world revolves around us, and the belief that everything in nature is for our benefit. Consumption or amusement is finally catching up with us.
We have created physical diseases and environmental devastation in more ways that most of us are willing to admit. In times of greatest strife and challenge, we tend to look upwards to our Father in Heaven to help us and direct us. We can also look downwards to another guide that is equally powerful wise, Mother Earth.
Speak from the Power Source in the Body
When you speak from a place outside of your body, you are nervous and look for the words to say. Instead, focus on your power place, deep inside your body and feel connected and your will begin to feel at home. You will be more authentic and begin to connect with your audience. This is your place of power, creativity, strength and stamina Breathe, Speak and Listen
Ways of the Feminine
If you want to activate your feminine essence and feel centered, receptive and attractive, there are ways you can move that are radically different from those you would use if you wanted to activate your masculine energy.
Upper body movements are masculine. This include the shoulder gestures which are hard, rigid and directive. You feel the power through your upper chest, your shoulders and down your arms.
The female activation points are the center of the pelvis the “womb space and down the legs. Activate the energy in your hip movement, soften your heart and send love. The lower body activates the feminine essence. It is more weighted and connected to the earth. The upper body is relaxed and soft. This is the power of the feminine essence.
Wisdom in the Woman’s Body
Draw your power from the primordial force of life. The belly space is fundamental to unlocking our feminine energy, ecstasy and empowerment. It is the place we create life. It is a powerhouse. It is fundamental to unlocking our feminine energy. However, Western mindset, out of fear and misunderstanding destroyed the feminine powerhouse with the onset of hysterectomy and contraceptive pills and misinformation. It is time to take back our power.
It is the womb space where feminine energy resides. It is as if it is parked and ready to go whenever we put this energy in the drive. When you place your attention on your womb space, it will feel as if you are coming home.
In the Black community, the male wants to own this space. We give it over and so goes our power. Take it back and become peaceful, patient, strong, perceptive and centered. You will no longer fill out of control. You gain control of your own body and you’re your power.
What happens if a woman loses her womb? The energy is still there. You must sense the area and from there your power will grow. Being feminine is how you move and express your body, not what your body looks like on the outside.
In most martial arts and yoga, the center of the body is where all the energy is stored. So is with the practice of becoming more feminine. Become more aware of this storehouse of energy in relationships. Begin to feel the sensation. The old sayings I have a “gut instinct”, this is true. Notice when you meet someone or enter a business relationship. Focus on the area three inches below your navel, what the feeling is telling you. This is another source of intelligence in the body in addition to the mind.
Learn to breathe from your womb space Take a moment in your day and practice breathing from your womb space. When the mental chatter seems to overwhelm, you focus on the womb area and notice the calm to your mind. The energy would have moved to a calmer place. Another thing you can do is listening from your womb space. Practice entering a room, bring your awareness to your womb, listen to the words, sounds, and notice what you sense. Women have this second sense, first in the brain and secondly in the body.
Women Want Love and to be Validated
The feminine essence wants to add light to the room and to her home and space. On the other hand, the male would just set up him home with a couch, a TV and a source of light. I can recall as a child, living with the notion to been seen and not heard. In a verbal society, this does not do well for the self-esteem of a growing child. My voice was stifled as a child, so I would express myself through the way I dressed. I received attention from my mother and other people in the streets. I would notice the way men looked at me. I gained a tremendous amount of attention, some positive and some not so positive. I recall even getting mad when someone did not look at me.
We Women want to be seen and validated because we fear not showing up. It is a powerful driving force. Rylie, my granddaughter, demands the attention. She will call Cailin’s name at least fifteen times in a span of one minute. She bounces around the room and says look at me if you did not she would become increasingly loud. Females desire to be seen, heard and understood. For a long time, I could not see myself in others. Others were reflected in me. I mirrored their behavior. Consequently, I was angry. I did not see myself because I did not show up in authentic was. When I moved to Florida to be near my daughter and grandchildren, I began to see myself in my daughters’ through post on Social Media. I would send a post out into cyberspace and see it reflected to me in the things I say and who I am.
It is important to realize who you are and show up in powerful ways. Going back to the first tool is to have a Powerful Presence and show up in your relationships. Many times, there is a subtle message to shrink so you can fit it.
The Path of the Feminine
If you are serious about embodying your feminine essence and you are going to take the journey, you must realize the path of “The Feminine Essence” is one of vulnerability and openness. It is scary, and it is painful, but it is powerful. You open your heart wide without defenses. You become free to love and be loved
The more we are open, the more love and support we can receive. Many women have been taught that to give is more important than to receive is more “spiritual”, more appropriate and more gracious than receiving. Learning to receive and allowing others to nurture us is critical in our capacity to know love. It keeps us on full.
How Women Are Affected by Leading through the Masculine Form?
First, what is it to be masculine and in control. Masculine power wants to control the world and other nations. It builds and destroys uses weapons of mass destruction to annihilate other cultures. Masculine power is responsible for building the Catholic Church. In its form, it builds; left unchecked masculine power wreaks havoc on every face of the world. In the body of the female, it distorts her view and her purpose for being. Masculine found in the female is a hardness that is rigid. She is unable to move with a fluid and to find harmony in the world. The female who has adopted the masculine source of power has given up her power source and adopted a foreign body. It is no wonder that we women sometimes feel out of sorts. It is because we have adopted a thing that is not for us. An overabundance of masculine energy in the world creates and imbalance in the female. She is hard and insensitive to the needs of the world. She wants to control and have children bend to her will. Children find not a place to be themselves because they must bend to the will of the woman in control.
The Shadow in Your Life
Because the woman is at home in the shadows, so she must be aware of what her shadow is and how it affects her life. For most of my adult life, I have been in relationships with males that did not lead to any long-term relationships. As I glanced back at my life, I realize I acquired an addiction that consisted a longing for love. I can see how I entered relationships with male needing something from them that I thought great sex would satisfy.
There was great sex, but as I look at the male from the vantage point of a mature woman, I would not have picked them for a mate. At the time, I was a needy female caught up in the story of Cinderella that there was Prince Charming that would come into my life, we would ride off into the sunset, and all would be great. Unfortunately, that is where the fairy tale ended. This was not see into the workings of a mature relationship.
Sex caught me in grips. The relationship had no real chance of developing. Making love was brewing a trip on my head. I believed the lies that my husband told. He once said to me that people would easily believe a lie. He told me I would not have the real thing only a facsimile. I did not understand. I was blind to the reality of the situation.
My daughters’ grandmother once told me Frank was no good. He is my daughter’s father. If a mother would say that about her child, should have best believed her. Those words spun off my mind, not sticking. There was too much emotional turmoil going on in my life to think. I had to survive from moment to moment, no time for thinking. Life moved fast.
My shadow was this sex addiction and the pleasure it brought. I was addicted to the sensation thinking it was what I wanted. After numerous failed relationships I stopped and examined my life. The last male, that was in my life was a giant neon sign that light up. I had to pay attention. It was obvious that my life was driven by sexual pursuit. There was no love there was only lust.
Addiction has a way of covering up the real issue. I did not love myself nor value my own life. Consequently, no man or for that matter, any person that came into my life did not have to value my time or me.
Powerful & Womanly
When you feel the need to control someone else, you lose your personal power and energy. Often women try to control the man in the relationship. This ultimately will drive him away. Instead of trying to control the situation or person, step back and trust life. If it is meant to be, it will be. The people that you are meant to be in your life will want to be with you.
Holding onto something so tight causes muscles tension. There was so much tension in my body I felt stretched to capacity. The knots in my arm reminded me that I need to let go and let the energy in my body flow freely without trying to control. This morning I felt the urge to move freely. I moved by body back and forth in a smooth, gentle glide as if I was moving through air to a rhythm, somewhere between time and my body. When I let go the energy inside of me was free to go. Consequently, when we are the wave we move effortlessly through the situation as we see the way forward. Move with life in the direction that it is moving.
Chapter II Journal Entry
Chapter III Non-Feance is Failure in Doing; Especially That Which is Essential for Happiness & Emotional Well-Being.
“If you bring forth what is within you,” “What is within you will save you.” “If you do not bring forth what is within,” “What is within you will destroy you.”
Children of the Devine
Children of the Devine,
Life and Living,
Take on a new meaning.
Your being in the world,
Bring meaning to your very soul.
Suddenly the work you do is so divine,
Your service to the world,
End the meaningless pursuit of wealth and fame,
Find glory in doing your life’s work.
The reason you’re here today,
To live a life of artistry and beauty.
Not a sacrifice,
But redemption for your soul.
Silence the hungry spirits,
Bring them what they need most,
Love you’re holding on.
Let it go,
Release it to the world,
Let it flow across the land,
Give rise to new life,
Now pouring across the sand,
That fills the hour.
One last minute before you go,
Let the world know,
The beauty of your Soul.
Obedience is Protection
My father always said obedience is better than sacrifice. I never knew what he meant. But today I know that every one of us has come to earth to fulfill a mission and if we fail to then our lives will experience unrest. It is like living a life aimlessly, going to work, coming home only to do it again without any significant purpose.
All my young life I lived under the protective arm of my father. He took care of my basic needs. I learned to depend on him. I never questioned his intention or the intentions of the adults around me. I believed in the Bible and its teaching and the Church as the living embodiment of all that is good. I never thought much about my life. I just lived and followed the direction of the adults around me.
Freedom from Parents
Growing up and going away to college brought freedom from the security of my parents. I started to feel as if something was not quite right. I enrolled at the local Community College and my eyes began to inquire into the meaning of God and Life. In a Philosophy class, the college professor posed a question. He asked what would change your perspective about life. My answer was. What if there was no God?
In 1982, I began my insatiable quest to understand my life and the world. I journeyed out into the world, to Paris and Hawaii, Virginia and Washington D.C. and back to the inner realm of my life. Life was a mystery that I wanted to unravel. Mine is an inquisitive nature that seeks to understand and know.
Power of the Mind
My biggest find was within the mind. I am a student of Psychology and just recently Buddhist Psychology, which explains the nature of the mind. I have come to believe that the Mind contains all the knowledge of all time. It is like a reservoir. We as humans have created the internet to resemble the mind.
At any time, I can pose a question, and have it answered. All information is at my fingertips. The internet represents the collective of knowledge of the human species. It is like “The Mind”, which contain all that we as a species have accumulated. I can access it at any time.
There was this gnawing feeling inside of me. I wondered why I acted the way I did. A Psychology class opened the window to my mind and heart, and I found a lacking. A lacking for love and a lacking for genuine relationship caused me to seek it out in unhealthy ways. Thirty years later it has led me to the internet and the boundless array of information that I can consume and quench my hunger.
Uncovering a Secret
There was a big secret, and I wanted to find out what it was. The secret lay buried in my life. It was the secret about whom I was and what I was here to do. The secret seeped out into my daily life disguised because I did not know what it was. I was not aware of what it was and consequently so was my identity.
I identified with the problems in my life. Was I crazy? I studied Psychology and wondered what was wrong with me. I tried to uncover the source of my suffering. I did not know what it was, so I invented something.
I was depressed. I had Anxiety. I had Anger Issue. There were many negative labels I gave myself because I did not know who I was. I was a Black Woman in a male, white Christian society. When I looked in the mirror, that was not the reflection I saw. They were right, so there must have been something wrong with me.
I was a Black Woman, who one Summer decided to sign-up for Army R.O.T.C. to prove my worth. If I could do what the white man did, I must be as good as him. I watched one supervisor at work and figured if I dressed life him then I would be a part of the work environment. It did not work; management terminated me from this job. I was a loner and a thinker and a reader, who tried to find out what and who I was.
I was in education because it was the easiest door that opened. Each year. I tried to make it work, but it never did. Happiness was sought for in all the wrong places. Love was neither real or something for me. My peers in school did not respect me. I was a teacher but did not have any close friends. My team mates did not include me in any of the team meetings or the plans. I was a Resource Teacher one year. A male teacher I worked with told me he did not pick me as the teacher he wanted to work with, and consequently, our work relationship was strained.
I thought I would find a place to be myself in my faith practice. I only found more of the same, a hierarchy of leaders who would do and say anything to maintain their control. Many instances I failed to act and speak up. I stuffed the anger and rage deep inside of me. In relationships with men, I let them have their way thinking that would make them stay. They did not. I felt unimportant and used for sex. I did not make what I wanted important and consequently, I did not stay too long. Thus, my dignity, self-worth and happiness took a back seat just to have a man in my life.
Living with a Wounded Mind
Humans are born healthy both mentally and physically. Around three or four is when the first wounds in the emotional body start to appear and poison the human body. If you observe children, they play, laugh, and are happy all the time. When something happens, they react and move on. They live in the moment. As children, we are innocent and not afraid to love. However, what has happened? What has happened to all of us?
The fear of not being worthy of love became a fear of rejecting others before they rejected me. The fear of not being good enough is we begin to dream of being that person and project that image to the world. We project the image that society want us to be. This projection begins the pretending. We learn to pretend to be what we are not and practice being what others want to feel love.
All humans are mentally sick. We live in a world, akin to a mental hospital. Because we live in the world, the mind is sick with fear. This fear fills the emotional body until the pain becomes unbearable. Someone says a word and it hurts and you retaliate. There is jealousy, hate, and discrimination. Soon the mind cannot cope with the mental illness, so it begins to break down. The result is schizophrenia, paranoia, psychosis. This mental breakdown causes diseases when we are so frightened, and the wounds are so painful that it is better to break contact with the outside world.
I felt victimized by the men in life. A situation happened when I was about seventeen. One night I was in the car with my daughter’s father. He was physically abusive. We were in the middle of a fight. I feigned I was out of it. I think I consciously left my body because I did not want to face the physical pain. I played possum. He ran inside to get my mother. I believe he was genuinely concerned for me. My mother opened the car door and called my name. I did no answer. I got out of the car and walked into the house. I do not think I came back to my body. I just lived in a shell.
I lived in constant fear of being hurt both emotionally and physical that I created a wall around my heart and would not let anyone see the real me the one who was afraid. On the outside, I appeared strong. I did let my emotions show. I joined the military to prove my strength. I make three hundred on the Physical Training (PT) part of Army Basic Camp. One could make the maximum score on the PT test.
I left my body and consequently I never showed up in a relationship as an authentic person. Each relationship that ended my anger and rage grew strong until it was so strong that it began to break down my body.
A Nightmare of Pain
To protect or emotional selves from fear of hurt, we create a dream of lies. We lie perfectly even to ourselves. Soon we begin to believe our lies. This denial system is like a wall that prevents us from seeing the truth. We wear a social mask because we do not want others to see us as a wounded soul. When someone says you are pushing my buttons, indeed that person is touching an emotional wound. Then we begin to see the dynamics of relationships. Everyone experiences pain and becomes wounded, and everyone is pretending that everything is ok. Everything we know about the world and ourselves is a dream. If you look at the description of any religious definition of hell, then you will know. It is the same as human society.
A hell is a place of suffering, a place of fear, a place of war and violence, a place of judgment and a place of punishment that never ends.
It is a place of human against humans in a jungle of predators, humans full of judgment, hatred guilt, and full of emotional turmoil, envy, anger, hate sadness, and suffering. We have created these demons in our mind because we have learned to dream a dream of hell in our life.
We each create a dream for you. Nevertheless, the humans before us created a dream for society. It is a collective dream, and it keeps us from seeing what we are.
Look at the dream from this perspective. It then becomes humorous when you think about what humans are doing and why they are doing it. Based upon something that is not real. We are born into this society, and we adopt the ways of the culture and the rules and begin to compete with other humans.
Living Life as a Fake
Humans by nature are a sensitive being because we perceive everything through the Emotional Body. The (EB) is like a radio station. You can tune it to perceive certain frequencies or to react to certain frequencies. Children natural orientation is to love. We explore and enjoy life. After domestication, we question and restrain the love we feel because we do not have any concept of who we are.
The Emotional Body has an alarm like the physical body, which is a pain. We know there is something wrong. For the Emotional Body, it is fear. I asked my son-in-law the nature of his fear. He responded I considered the past and saw the betrayal, and there is a fear that it would happen again. I asked him, “How do you deal with the fear?” He had not the response he just knew it was there and looked-for signs that validated his fears. He watched the behavior that leads up to his greatest fear. I asked him if he knew the signs, what he could do to help his partner. He knew just where this path leads, but instead of responding positively and with intention, he let fear control his actions. He was confrontational, hostile and angry. Also, he had reason to be, but I told him, fear is a choice. He could let the dysfunction continue to rule his life or she could make a conscious choice in the face of fear.
In the movie with Will Smith and his son, He said the danger is real, but fear is a choice. It is how you react in the face of danger. Fear is a response to an unconscious mind. It is habitual and dysfunctional. It is not empowering, it is disempowering.
Chapter III Journal Entry
Chapter IV Mindfulness is Attention to the present moment with an openness to see what may be invisible in the experience. You become free to act from a place of calm and clarity which brings balance and freedom. It can liberate you from the habitual action.
I look back over the road traveled
That lead me here.
As a witness,
Neither judging nor condemning.
I see patterns.
And the traps that ensued me.
Afraid someone would discover
I was not a strong silent woman
Who took care of family,
I was …
A victim who carried
The ideas of a little girl.
Everyone had more power than me.
I believed in love.
Until one day
My husband walked out on me.
I left for work.
When I got home,
He and everything valuable was gone.
I had to go to him for money
Because he took all we had.
I could not depend on anyone,
So, I had best take care.
My mind played this scene repeatedly.
I could not believe this happened to me.
Feeling victimized by life
Began to weigh me down.
Stress settled in my hip.
Forcing me to transform.
Sitting mindful with sorrow
Is an act of courage.
But it let me see.
How to break free from patterns?
That held me in bondage.
When I released the pain in my hip,
My life began to unfold.
The past no longer had a hold on me.
Mindfulness is Fearless Presence; it consists of being sensitive to each moment, regarding it as new and unique, having an open mind and being wholly receptive and having a love affair with the unknown.
Mindfulness is Non-Reactive
One morning I lay in bed for a moment before getting up. An experience happened at school the other day. I asked myself? Why did I feel the need to defend myself? Looking further into the experience I admit that when the young lady attacked me, I felt threatened and needed to retaliate, as I did not want to appear weak and be the target of her hate. Another option available to me was to be mindful and tune into the experience and accept what was happening neither judging or rejecting but looking for what was not readily accessible to me. I realize I do not need to defend myself.
What could the young lady say that would hurt me? Was that where I am wounded? Did I feel like a victim? Was this person victimizing me? I look back into my past. I have felt victimized by people Most of my life, Both by their words and physical violence. I recognize people can hurt me. This was an attitude that I had as a child. I did not have much power then, but now I do. Another strategy is to look what may be invisible in the experience to see where the young lady words may have come from and why she said those mean things.
This young lady is a program for delinquent girls. She had mentioned earlier she hated light-skinned girls with long hair. I was aware that she slung her hate towards me. I looked at her. She was neither light skinned, nor did she have long hair. She was jealous and angry. They were her feelings, not mine. Once relived, her comments washed over me like a wave that sprung out of the ocean to once again disappear into the great ocean of life.
There are many instances that we sense negative emotions of others. We can let the emotion spring up without reacting and watch it disappear. It is through mindful attention that you become aware what is invisible in your experience and what may be invisible in the other person experience as well.
Four Principles for Mindful-Transformation
In Western Mindfulness Retreats, there are Four Principles for Mindful Transformation. You can apply the RAIN acronym to transform your reaction to the situation. The first step is
- Recognition then 2. Acceptance after that you are to 3. Investigate, the (body and feelings, what thoughts are in your mind and the environment that you find yourself in and lastly 4. Non-Identification, view the experience from a detached perspective.
Recognition is the first principle. When you become stuck in a situation, relationship or job and you want to break free from. You must recognize the situation you are in. Step out of denial and look at it honestly. You must be willing to see things as they are not as you would like them to be. Denial undermines your freedom. The drug abuser who denies he is an addict cannot seek treatment. The diabetic who denies the sickness will not look at diet as a culprit. When you are open to what is really going on in the experience, you encounter understanding, love and intelligence. You are the one who has the power.
Acceptance is the second principle. Acceptance allows you to be calm and opens to the facts that are before you. Acceptance says this is what is. It does not mean that you cannot work towards solving the situation. It is a courageous action to accept things as they are and take responsibility to roll up your sleeves and embrace what is before you.
Investigation is the third principle. This means to see deeply and dwell into what is unconscious in your experience. When you investigate, you look at Four Foundations of Mindfulness. 1. Body, 2. Feeling, 3. Mind, 4. Dharma.
When you investigate something, you want to become aware where you feel it in your body. Sometimes you can locate a hardness, heat vibration or contraction. You may notice numbness or throbbing. What happens when you are mindful of the sensation? Does it increase or decrease? Next, investigate the feeling, is the primary feeling-tone pleasant, unpleasant, neutral? Next, consider your mind: What are your thoughts and images? Are there any judgments and beliefs you are holding onto? Are there outdated beliefs or habitual ways of looking at the situation? Are they one-sided? The fourth foundation of mindfulness is Dharma. The elements and patterns that make up the experience. We investigate whether we are clinging. Is the experience solid? Is it impermanent? Does it have a life of its own? Is it a source of suffering and unhappiness or happiness? How much do you identify with it?
This leads to the last foundation which is Non-Identification. This means to stop taking the experience like mine or me. You begin to see how identification creates dependency. Is this what you really are? You become free to let go and rest in awareness through RAIN.
The Precious Human Body
Religion and certain Western Heritage and Medieval Christianity have devalued the physical and the intelligence of the body for the spiritual and rational. For centuries, certain fearful and celibate fathers of Christianity have practiced denied themselves and the flesh as essential to avoiding sin.
As a result, sexual desires were pushed into the shadows and the recent scandal of homosexuality with Altar Boys have been brought to light. Our more recent technological society ignores the wisdom of the body. The body becomes a machine for living, the subject of managed care, steroids, tattoo and altering through plastic surgery.
The flesh is degraded as we sit in traffic jams, cramped in a school desk and behind a cubicle under artificial light. We are distracted as we eat fast food on the way to work in our cars or walking down the street. Children sit in front of a TV eating instead of eating being a social activity. We have lost our connection to our own natural instinctive body. When we ignore the body, it makes itself known through the medium of various symptoms
Mindful of the Body Allows You to Live Fully:
It Brings Healing, Wisdom & Freedom
How do you begin to practice Mindfulness? At this moment, I sit in a chair in my living room. I look at the letters as they appear on the white space. I feel my fingers reach for the keys. I know the keyboard, so I can concentrate on the letter as they appear on the page. I am also aware when I make a mistake. I can correct it as I type or at the end when I begin to edit the paper.
Mindfulness is to be present always with the body and what it is doing. Never leave the body and consider the future. To practice mindfulness is to be in the body and feel the sensations. Become mindful of what you are doing at the present and do not get lost in the future or the past that has already happened. Bring you full attention to the present
You say it will consume all your time. I say that your time has consumed you and you are lost in it. You are not paying attention to the present, and so you are not there one hundred percent. Mindfulness frees one up to live in each moment with each breath. This is the most natural thing, as is Breathing. It is what connects us to consciousness.
The practice of mindfulness is to observe thoughts as they arise, not as a judgment, but as a witness to them. You can just say oh, there goes doubt; there goes fear; there is happiness. See these sensations appear then evaporate as a wave rises and then once again disappear into the great ocean. Such are your thoughts, they arise and then fall. Once you have mastered observing your thoughts, then you can begin to witness the mind. The concentration of mind into the mind itself uses reveals the real nature of the mind that is being examined.
The Study of Thought
Thought is homeless. It has no permanent dwelling. It is passionate, hateful and confused. It is in the past, the future or in the present? What was in the past is gone, what is in the future has not happened yet and the present has no stability. For thought, cannot be seized. The thought is immaterial, invisible, nonresistant, inconceivable unsupported and homeless. The thought has never been seen by anyone. How can it be an observable process except in the mind of mistaken perception? The thought is like a moving illusion of what is unreal. It lives in the realm of the collective of knowledge of people.
Eye of Compassion
When the mind is liberated your heart floods with compassion. First, have compassion for yourself for having to undergo countless years of suffering because you were not able to relieve yourself of false views, hatred, ignorance and anger. Secondly, have compassion for others because they have not yet realized and so are still imprisoned by false views, hatred and ignorance and continue to create suffering for themselves and for others. Practice looking at all being with the Eye of Compassion;
Chapter IV Journal Entry ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter V: Creative Visualization:
The Practice of Finding and Following Your Inner Guide on the Path to Transformation. Take the time to get in touch with the wisdom of your soul.
On the Path of Transformation, you must commit to integrating the spiritual and human aspect of life. You begin by learning to live as a complete being with balance and fulfillment on the earth. The commitment to your conscious journey is part of the transformation of the world. You will explore through Creative Visualization your thoughts, feeling, fears and the vision you have of your life and the world.
A Safe Place Inside Myself
My first visit to my internal life;
as I make a safe place inside myself.
I walk down a tree-line path,
soft wet grass under my feet,
I enter a garden of my own.
quiet surrounds me.
all I hear is the beat of my heart,
it lulls me in deeper,
until I feel at peace with myself.
my guide greets me.
she speaks and…
I let go of the tension in my body.
I want to soar into vast sky,
but pain strikes me.
it feels as if something has taken hold of my brain.
it is fear,
its’ sharp claws dig in deep.
I go back to the day.
I sit alone on the couch in front of the TV.
I am eight years old;
silence is my only companion,
only it does not bring any solace.
fear and dread spread OVER me like a wet prickly blanket.
rubbing me with its coarseness.
the tiny hairs on my arm stand erect,
at once I become a mother to this small little girl.
I take her by the hand and tell her all is well,
I am here for her,
she uncoils into my arms,
we embrace and rock to and fro.
I tell her she is safe,
I have always been with her.
I ask her what she loves.
she says words and solving math problems.
I tell her
maybe she can be a
writer or a poet and her words can heal others.
she smiles and tells me she feels loved and safe.
I walk back up the path and leave the garden,
back to the waking life,
with a renewed sense of love and security.
Finding Your Inner Guide
Most of us were taught to look outside of self for answers. We look to the media, to television and books for answers. There is an inner knowing, an inner awareness that we have not been taught to value. During this session, I want you to begin to look inward through the doorway of the heart and access a higher level of knowing. It is a knowing of the body of sensation and feelings. It is called woman’s intuition.
Sit back quietly and close your eyes. Begin to calm you mind and breath by taking deep breaths. As you, begin to quiet the chatter in your mind. Bring you awareness to your belly. Feel a sense of grounding. Imagine A place that brings you calm. For me, I often imagine I am on the shore at the beach, and the water gently hits the coast. As the water returns and glides across the sand, I bring my attention to my mind and my body, and look far away into the distance, and see myself traveling across the water. I am at home in the water, soon my wolf guide comes to me, and he tells me he has always been here waiting on me. I run my hands across his back, and a feeling of safety and love fills my senses. He tells me to stop, listen, and believe because a guardian appears for me his loves wishes me happiness and safety.
I want you to seek out the animal that will help you to cross over to the other side. The path that leads you to Enlightenment.
Building A Strong Inner Life
Just as you exercise to build a strong physical body, read, and study to build a strong mind. You also must have a practice that builds a strong inner life. How do you build a strong inner life? You build a strong inner life through meditation, yoga or any other practice that takes you inside yourself.
I chant Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo. The sound and the mantra align my mind body and soul that help to build a strong inner life. This practice leads me directly to understand myself. It put me on the path where I discovered books I needed to, people I needed, and information needed to help me along my path. It was like building a fortress around my heart.
Chanting, visualization and mindfulness work in concert to align my mind, heart and body to live an authentic life. I sit in front of my altar and chant. As I chant, my mind begins to focus on the sound. The chant starts a rhythm, and before you know it, the sound lulls my mind. It is as if I am an engine moving across the surface of time. As I move along, I visualize my goals and dreams. I grow stronger as I employ the strategy of the Lotus Sutra, Chant and act.
When I face a difficult decision, I chant to resolve to face it and see myself on the other side of the difficulty. I see myself strong as I face the wind. I keep my head straight. The wind blows past me. It shakes my arms, clothing and hair. I continue to move forward. The wind is now at my back, and it is moving me in the direction that I want to go.
I want to cross the sea to the other side of the island. The wind is at my back, and I am moving across the sea. Soon I am across the sea. I look back at how I made it across. I put my faith in my body and my mind to withstand the strong wind as it blows and to maneuver my body, so the wind is behind me pushing me forward toward my goals.
My inner resolve is reinforced each time I sit down and chant. Each day I move closer and closer to my dreams. I am writing this line, and each line becomes a paragraph. I put the paragraphs together, and they are a chapter. The chapters become a book, and the book becomes available to you. As you read my words, they interact with your eyes, your brain, and your heart; the words move through you propelling you toward your dream.
Human Consciousness is like the Internet, in as much as it houses all the collective knowledge we as people have amassed. It is available to you. All you must do is sit quiet and go inside yourself, the vast inner basin and ask a question and as a search engine, the mechanics of the universe will respond.
Lie quietly and close your eyes, begin to breathe, and then follow your breath until you are at ease and calm. Start to look in the center of your forehead and you will notice a glow, follow that glow until you begin to drift, let your mind flow, watch the thoughts come and go from a detached state. Like looking at a movie. Only the movie is your life. You have begun to access the collective of knowledge. Go ahead ask the question and sit still until the answer comes. It may be a picture, a feeling or information. You will know.
How to Utilize Relationships to Improve Your Life?
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one. However, the relationships in your immediate life reflect to your parts of yourself. They can help you to become whole and show you exactly where you are in the relationship with yourself. The people you get along with most are most like you and the persons you have a difficult time with are people who mirror back to you what is undeveloped in yourself.
When I moved to Florida, I was attracted to a younger male. He was both sexual and unavailable. Unavailable men have been the story of my life. I joined Black People Meet with the hope of meeting a male. What I attracted and got involved in were men who only wanted a sexual relationship. I told myself I wanted more. However, what these men showed me that I was addicted to sexual pleasure and the addiction destroyed any real chance for genuine love.
It began as a substitute when my parents divorced. I went out looking for love and what I found was a haven of sex that dulled my senses and mind. It would be thirty years later that I would stop long enough to examine myself and my needs and how to take better care of myself and stop giving my power away to sexual relationships.
Creative Visualization for Prosperity
Prosperity is measured by how much money you have. This is a materialistic view. On the other hand, being Spiritual and denouncing the material world is another way of looking at abundance. Nevertheless, the New Age way of abundance is to view your life through the lens of how much money you have. Money equals energy and the exchange of money for the energy yield becomes equal.
If money is not flowing to you, then there must be a blockage somewhere. This exercise will help to unblock your life and to free your energy. You may have to change the energy. Because what may have worked for you in the past is not working for you now. The path to money has changed, and you must create a new path.
Since money is a mirror of our consciousness, the more comfortable we are with being powerful, the more money we are likely to create in our life. Many of us have issues with power, and these are likely reflected in our relationships with money.
Once we commit to a path of consciousness growth, we create as much money in our lives as we can manage responsibly to live on and support our journey without distracting us or jeopardizing our journey. As our ability to handle energy and power matures, we tend to generate more money. We usually receive the exact amount of money we need to do the things that are truly right for us.
When we follow our heart and souls, we will experience the flow of money in our lives as true financial prosperity.
How We Can Change the World
The point of life is to change the world and make it a better place for the next generation, not work for a corporation hell bent on destroying the world and making children slaves to their whims.
On the Path of Transformation, you must commit to integrating the spiritual and human aspect of life. You begin by learning to live and complete being with balance and fulfillment on earth. The commitment to your conscious journey is part of the transformation of the world. You will explore through Creative Visualization your thoughts, feeling, fears and visions you have of your life and the world.
My Mission to Discover the Vast Inner Life
I close my eyes and look inward through the doorway of the heart.
I imagine I am lying on a beach.
I begin to relax by breathing deeply and letting go of the tension in my body.
I continue to breathe deeply and feel the breath gently enter through my right nostril and as I exhale it leaves through the left nostril.
I continue this breath until there is a peaceful calm in my mind that travels throughout my body.
I see myself walk down a tree-lined path,
soft wet grass under my feet.
Gentle breezes whisk by and blow hair from my face
and fill my nostrils with a gentle healing property that flows throughout my body.
Jasmine fills the air;
I breathe in.
I go deeper into the forest; where the air becomes thicker.
I have entered the vast inner realm of my life.
There is a welcoming darkness that soothes my mind,
like soft music gently playing in my head.
I look up; it is the overhead canopy that has blocked the sun.
I sit down under this large tree and feel the strong bark against my back.
I become one with the tree;
I sense a kinship with nature as if it is a long-lost friend and we meet once again.
I open to this experience and embrace the ambiance of nature.
I see the boundaries of my inner life spread out and begin to grow roots.
My roots intertwine with the roots of this massive oak tree.
We coil together.
The, two of us, like a rope, banded together we are stronger.
We then extend our roots into the soil of the earth joining with others below the surface of the earth, until one cannot distinguish one from the other.
Some centuries old, some a few days old.
the grasses too have small roots that intertwine,
all as one root system supporting life above the earth.
we are one massive root.
Now I begin to grow and push up through the ground as this massive tree trunk.
my bark is strong, protecting me from disease and any invader that comes to close or clings to me.
my branches extend out into the world,
green fronds grew and glimmer in the sun while they make their food taking in energy from the sun and rain, fully self-sufficient and integrated with life,
I grow and produce food and shelter for the earth.
soon my leaves droop from the rain that has fallen from the sky.
the water falls to the floor of the path I walked upon earlier returning life-giving energy to the source.
the spirit of the tree has always been a part of life.
its very nature is the force that moves inside the tree pushing the roots out, becoming a strong presence in the world and growing branches and taking the sun’s energy and making food. The spirit of the tree inhabits the tree giving it the very essence of life. Its branches grow strong and healthy, free from disease and illnesses of the mind body and emotions. Such is the vast inner life, as majestic as the Tree of Humanity.
CHAPTER V Journal Entry ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter VI: EVOLVE BEYOND FEAR, DOUBT AND IGNORANCE: Transformed into…LOVE, COURAGE and WISDOM
Fear, Doubt and Ignorance
Lives in darkness.
That elusive feeling,
That something is not quite right.
I had no warning,
I did not prepare.
The three shielded out light.
Until darkness consumed me.
Fear lay quietly,
Doubt showed its dreadful face,
Seized my happiness.
Ignorance said anything,
Made me prisoner in my own skin.
They lived in my heart,
Restricted the outflow of love.
Fear the liar
Doubt an illusion
Ignorance, unaware of the truth.
The slow return to grace
Is a lifetime process.
Each day I chant,
Every day I pray,
Vision more powerful than despair
Had begun to seep through the cracks.
A Witness into the heart of Fear, Doubt and Ignorance.
They were the effects of an untrained mind
Love grew when doubt vanished
And became A powerful presence.
Fear still lingers but has no real power
Love, Courage and Wisdom Are More Powerful than Darkness!
Pain & Suffering
There is a pain, then there is the cause of suffering and lastly, you can put an end to suffering.
Your mind holds all your experiences, feelings, and dreams in a collective pool. It is like a reservoir of feelings and emotions blending, both good and bad. When you suppress a bad experience, it hides in there. It often appears as a shadow in your life. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see, but it often hides and comes out in the dark.
There is also the collective unconscious of all the humanity. We are a part of the human family and you contribute to this. You may often wonder why there is senseless violence in the world and why you may be caught in the world wind. It is the small violent act committed each day by individual people that add to this. These builds, to include violent acts by the Government, police, and state. It is like placing a small pebble and piling one on top of the other until a mountain appears. Such is the accumulation of a collective unconscious into the world.
Three Root Causes of Suffering
It is the time we come to terms with the power of our unconscious drives. There were times when I asked myself why I acted a certain way. Why was I so angry and why does my mind judge? I had to consider my unconscious mind to find the answers that often eluded me.
There are three root causes of suffering. They are grasping, aversion and delusion. They must be completely understood if they are to be transformed. This is difficult because the ego lives there and will sabotage any attempt to be free from its grasp. These three primary unconscious drives give rise to all the difficult states of life such as, anger, pride, fear, sloth and overindulgence. They produce falsification, doubt, restlessness, and clinging. It is a lifetime process to understand the source of your suffering and be free from its’ influence. Let us look at each one separately so you can see how they operate in your day, so you can discover where you are in your transformation.
How You Can Transform the Root of Suffering?
Pain is inevitable Suffering is not. Suffering arises from grasping. Become free from grasping and your suffering will end. You Suffer because you cling or resist. This is a sign of an unwillingness to move and flow with life. Like the ebb and tide of the ocean. All life just flows. All the us will experience a measure of pain. A wise person is friendly with the this and does not suffer. Begin to distinguish between pain and suffering. You can discover that sometimes the pain you experience is a call to action. If you do not listen to it may become louder. At other times, we must simply accept our losses and tragedies and move on. In either case, pain comes and goes. Suffering grows out of our reaction to the original pain. To let go of the causes of suffering is a process. Sometimes it simply means letting go—not trying to get rid of the experience, but softening into a state of allowing what is there. This softening brings a sense of release in the body and mind.
The Hungry Ghost
In the soft confines of your body and mind, there is a ghost hunter. It hungers for something, that thing that you seek. That thing does not free your mind or quiet your soul. It only brings more suffering because it is the unknown which can never be quite satisfied. It can be an addiction to food, to sex, to whatever you are dependent upon. It feeds on your loneliness and hopelessness and grasps for something outside itself to feed an emotion that you buried deep inside. You must quietly see that grasping is not the answer. There is a hole in your heart. You may not know where it began. However, it did, and it has gotten so large that it has consumed your life and instead of seeking and finding peace in your mind it sends your mind into the abyss and all you can see is darkness. You must attend to this abyss in your life and begin to nourish it with love. Love is the only thing that will feed your emotions. It is a love for yourself and all its imperfections. You are the one who can stop this Hungry Ghost from consuming your life. You can begin to visualize a new story for your life. See all that has happened to you was to bring you to this place where you can examine your life and see what you may need to just let go. Is it blame, is it guilt, is it unworthiness? If you want to be happy, you must let it go. It is a process and you become aware when the tendencies may be just to wallow in the mud. You can stay there for just a moment, but you must move on, see it as a reaction, seize your mind, and then let it go.
Three Types of Suffering
There is an end to suffering not an end to pain but a release from it power. When greed, hatred and delusion are given up we no longer cause sorrow for ourselves or others.
The Grasping or Greed temperament is constructed around desire. It is experienced as always seeking and wanting more. I am a seeker by nature. I was always asking, what was wrong with me. I tried many self-help programs. To name a few: 6-Weeks to Creative Freedom. The Value of the Valley. 30-Days to Discover Your Feminine Essence. I was always seeking something, not sure, what it was. I always wanted harmony, never wanted to argue or fight, feeling it would end the relationship. I wanted pleasure and the fell of emptying myself into a man.
The sexual relationships I had were centered on pleasure. When I no longer felt the pleasure in the relationship, I wanted it to end. I no longer desired my husband after being married for a few years. He was no longer sexually attractive to me and consequently the relationship ended. I was addicted to sex.
At its extreme grasping and desire, become an addiction. The state of addiction is hunger. No matter how much you digest, the addiction satisfaction is impossible. My ex-husband used to tell me I had an insatiable appetite. We are not our desires. Using Mindfulness training you can begin to witness the arising and passing of desire. You can tune into the sensation, the feeling and the stories you tell yourself without judgment. The energy of desire will intensify for a time and try to overcome you, but it will pass and what arises is a sense of ease, peacefulness in body and mind until the desire ceases.
The second root cause of suffering is due to the Aversive Temperament which is constructed around judgment and rejection of experience. It easily sees faults. Looking for Problems everywhere, often critical and quick to find displeasure. This quarrelsome personality finds disparage in many things. He or she gives rise to anger, haughtiness, hatred, cruelty, aggression and the struggle to control. This type darts with hard steps. Is very rigid and moves with tension and tightness, eats hurriedly without savoring the taste? If you are out driving this one is seen in traffic gripping the wheel tightly moving in and out of traffic and is easily annoyed with other drivers. When they enter a room, they instantly notice what is wrong, picking up trivial faults and discounting any real attempt you may make.
Lastly, the Deluded Temperament is constructed around confusion and uncertainty, People with this temperament experience not knowing what to do or how to relate to the world. They seek ease by ignoring what is happening, dullness or inaction. This temperament gives rise to worry, doubt, negligence, scattered thoughts, and anxiety.
No matter how odd ones’ personality, accept it. It is not who you truly are. Our personalities are not wrong. They are simply different. They are just forms of energy. When we accept this fact, we can hold them with a gentle awareness. We can learn to transform the unhealthy states of our personality when we recognize and do not identify with them; we are no longer reactive and stuck. Be liberated to live more fully in the moment with love.
The Root Causes of Anger and Fear
Aversion and Anger usually arise when we feel threatened or when we are in a painful situation. You must become aware of what has triggered your anger. Usually, it is fear. Aversion and anger is a strategy to help you feel safe, to proclaim your strength and security. In fact, you may feel insecure and vulnerable, but you cover this fear and vulnerability with anger and aggression.
Fortunately, you can train yourself to be mindful and meet fear and pain with the wisdom of your greater self instead of with the habits of aversion and anger. When a painful or threatening situation arises, open your eyes. Become accustomed to your pain and fear. You must acknowledge the pain; this is the first Noble truth. There is Pain in Life. But know there is a greater self that can meet this pain. Look to the sky, with an open and expansive mind. Meet the pain and fear where you are most vulnerable with care and courage. This show of true strength brings clarity, like a sword that cuts through illusion. It is called discriminating wisdom. When you are not locked in blame or struggle, you can see things as they are. Use Mindfulness to notice how states of anger arise in your life. Notice how anger can come in many forms. The critic, the self-righteous victim, the reactive controller, the judge, the know-it-all. Notice the stories it tells and the beliefs it holds. Stand in awareness of the movement to strike out, and to blame. What is the hurt or fear that might be hidden? Now imagine how you might communicate about your fear and hurt rather than blame. You can speak and respond to the problem in a way that respects yourself and others.
Transforming the Three Root Causes of Suffering
The practice of “Letting Go”, does not mean losing the knowledge we have gained from the past. The information of the past stays with us. To let go is to release any emotional attachment, grudges or fears, clinging and disappointments that bind our spirit. Like emptying a cup, letting go empties the heart and frees us to fill it with the present moment.
Buddhist Psychology directs us to examine how grasping operates. The more we grasp, the more we experience suffering. If we try to possess and control the people around us, we will suffer. If we struggle to control our body and feeling, it is the same. If a nation acts from grasping and greed the world around it will suffer.
On the other hand, healthy desires that are based on wisdom and compassion create happiness. also, healthy desires give rise to, generosity, integrity and spiritual growth.
From Grasping to Abundance. Release greed, addiction, and unhealthy desires, replace them with abundance, generosity adornment and the love of beauty.
Gratitude is a way to heal depression, anxiety and neurosis. This approach is a way to heal slowly and systematically. You can review your whole life and offer gratitude for each thing that has been given to you. When desire lessens, generosity is born. Generosity practices are not a way to become good but a way to become happy.
From Delusion to Wisdom
Behind walls of anger and fear,
Lived a girl of eight with a broken heart.
Helpless, defenseless, powerless and weak.
She sat all alone one moment in time.
However, that moment consumed her
Held her in its’ grips for over forty years.
As she sat in front of the TV,
Her only contact with the world
Loneliness closed in on her
She erected a wall to protect herself.
Thoughts that her parents abandoned her
Did not come in words.
It was a feeling that shot through her like an electrical current.
It began to tear at her heart and innocence.
This began the journey across the earth with a heavy heart.
After forty years of carrying.
It became too much to bear.
So today I look at the loneliness, fear, and dread
Hidden in the eyes of a little girl.
Acknowledge her hurt.
Hold the hand of her innocence.
Bring her forward forty years.
She is an adult.
A new story emerges.
Of empowerment over loneliness, fear, and anger,
Addiction, inferiority, degradation and shame.
Life made her strong.
Compelled her to seek out and find a solution.
Answers rooted in the life she lived.
She has lived A life full of wonder and suffering.
Know it is all okay.
It is the matter of life and mine.
Rise Above fear
This morning in bed in a mood all too familiar. Only this time a Mindfulness technique was used to ascertain what was hiding in plain sight. It is the fourth step in the Seven Steps that Empower the Black Woman.
The first step in this 4-step process is to uncover what was unconscious in my experience. As I lay there in bed, I acknowledge something had triggered my moodiness. I investigated to determine what caused me to feel this way by asking myself a few questions.
I realized the day before that I had decided to start a membership site after listening to a free webinar. I have been attracted to this idea of Free information. The topics interest me and have helped me in my search for meaning and purpose. I have discovered what I AM going to do with my life.
This was my pattern. I can recall when I was in graduate school I once said I would like to go to school for the rest of my life. If I could find a way to get paid. This set-in motion the idea of learning.
I was in the world of learning and could not find the exit sign to the next level. Well anyway, I made a commitment to stay on this path of writing five hundred words a day towards completing a manuscript.
The second goal was to keep focused. Here I was again following the next shiny object that had captured my attention. This has been a pattern for the past few years and I have been unable to get traction towards any real goals.
I realized that this pattern defeated any real purpose I had of writing. It is no wonder I was moody. I had traversed off the path and away from my goal. The last step in the four stages is non-identification. I observed what had captured my attention and decided to not get lost in it and get off track. Soon I was back on the saddle ready to ride towards my destination. This time, I did not let the attitude deter me from reaching my goal.
CHAPTER 6 Journal Entry ________________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter VII: Align with the Eternal and Universal Truth: Awaken to the Law of Life that simultaneously permeates the Universe and the individual self, Experience Wisdom, Compassion and Courage of the Greater Self.
Break free from the Ego.
The self you show to the world.
The self that seeks approval.
That seeks to be right,
That wants control.
Break free from the lesser-self known as Ego.
You are a child of the Universe.
Awaken to a Greater-Self
That connects to everything,
A Self with expanded borders.
That reaches through the Universe.
The vast unknown;
Life originated from the black hole.
The unity of all.
You are the light that has come from the dark.
You came in the world hungry and crying.
Your mother feed you.
You did not know.
You had to learn.
You sought the light.
Acquired the ways of the world,
You forgot the Unity of your Soul.
You are a part of Humanity.
You are the light.
A tiny firefly that flickers in the dark.
Around I sat in the audience
At the Anthony Hamilton concert.
Ten thousand lights flickered in the dark.
Music filled the air.
For one fleeting moment,
We were one life.
Those moments make and shape us, and we live for another.
It was beauty and light.
As you practice the process of letting go; you will be able to see others suffering. Your heart fills with compassion when you realize so much suffering is Human-Caused; you will have awakened to a tenderness beyond your own personal injuries and your suffering will diminish, but your awareness of the sorrow and pain in the world grows stronger. You have evolved beyond your own suffering and you have entered the path of living as an enlightened being. What you repeatedly visualize changes your body and consciousness. I want you to visualize freedom, wisdom, and compassion, the life state of the greater self.
As you begin to open yourself to the suffering of others, you will naturally find refuge in your Inner life. This is the realm of spirit. If you are to live wisely and free you will need to have a trusting connection to spirit. It begins by reorienting your life from body identity to spiritual identity. A spiritual identity is open and without form or expectations, as vast as the sky. This becomes an inspiration, an ever-flowing spring of freshness to draw from each time you face a challenge. When amid a difficult situation, breathe and look to the vastness of the sky and let go and be free not locked into a habitual way of seeing your immediate reality.
Three Levels of Refuge
There are Three levels of Refuge The first one is Outer, then Inner and lastly Innermost. On the Outer Level, we take refuge in “God”, or a remarkable Human Being, who points the way to inner freedom. We take comfort in the wisdom of his teachings of generosity, compassion, and wisdom that brings freedom. Also, we believe in the people in our immediate life. This outer refuge connects us to tradition and to millions of followers on that path.
Taking Refuse in the Inner Path, we shift our attention from the outer teachings to the Buddha Nature of all human beings. Believe that everyone has the potential for awakening. This innermost realm is a shift from the outer teachings to inner truth, to seeing the way things really are, not as you would have them. Entrust yourself to follow this truth and live in accord with it. This inner awareness then shifts from the self to all beings dedicated to awakening.
Lastly, we come to the Innermost Refuge. Here we rest in the eternal consciousness and freedom. We declare that our true nature was never lost to us. Even in moments of delusion, nothing is lost. We learn and move closer to an awareness of the interconnection of life. All experiences become opportunities to realize the nature of mind and the source of all things. You must trust in this original wisdom in the depths of your life. You are the most precious person in the world, who has been lost in the physical world agonizing and prayerful looking for salvation when all the while the heaven you seek is within you. It is who you are. Declare the one true nature of life.
Transform Your Consciousness
Transform your consciousness. What you continually think on shapes your world. Out of compassion, substitute your unhealthy thoughts for healthy ones.
To live like a Buddha is to live victoriously. The society I live in does not value the feminine qualities, such as cooperation, dialogue and love. As a black woman in America, I often felt devalued, as if, I have nothing to contribute to the world. Chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo has softened the hard exterior enclosing my heart and allowed my soft, gentle nature to bloom into passion and joy. This has allowed my true self to emerge. I continue to shape and create value with my life through my constant devotion to Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo. This is what I treasure deep in my heart.
Over thirty years I have practiced this philosophy and found a way to create value with my life. I chant every day with the single-mindedness to overcome the fundamental darkness in the depths my life. Darkness, so black that it swallowed me up. I sometimes feel as if I am in the belly of the ocean. All around me was gloom. Blackness so dark it enveloped me. I could not see. I swam to the closest reef, thinking I had found land. Only I was back into the middle of the sea. Through my daily practice of chanting and meditation, I obtained an awareness that I could swim, that I am a Buddha and I will not drown because I am of the same substance of the ocean.
Such is the life of the Buddha, always at home on the earth. Today, I hear Linda’s powerful voice urging me on; to stand up and be the sunshine in the dark. Each day I chant to find the strength and courage to fulfill my destiny and overcome the challenges I face. I chant Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo when the darkness threatens to pull me under and cover me.
My life has value. To devalue my life is to slander my Buddha nature. It is a fundamental darkness to believe I have no value. Life itself is valuable. It is through my Buddhist practice that I have found how I can be of value to the world.
It is faith in Nichiren Buddhism that keeps me heading to the shore. I am victorious over obstacles. I swim closer and closer. Aground brims with sunshine, that overflows with abundance, that fills my heart with love and joy.
There has been a succession of courageous women holding up high the banner of justice and courage whose shoulders I stand upon to hoist me higher onto the stage of World Peace
Two-thousand seventeen rolls in from a far-off place. A tide swells and changes the landscape. It is the voices of women that I hear ringing out to me: The voice of change; The voice of justice and courage. Furthermore, we are the mothers of the earth. It is our sacred mission to mother and love all Humanity. The reason I chant is to bring a positive change in my life which begins to spread to my family and ultimately to the world as I undergo my Human Revolution. I am determined to live true to myself and bring value to the world through my daily activities where-ever life takes me.
Three Daily Practices
Empowered Woman Project
Three daily practices are part of the Empowered Woman Project. They will help you get in touch with the deeper aspect of your life. Do them, at least, three to four times per week. First thing in the morning, you may want to take fifteen minutes of solitude. Take time to tune into The Body Intelligence. This may sound like a lot. However, you are worth the time; take it and be with yourself. During this fifteen minutes take off your shoes, loosen your belt, clench, hold and release your muscles. You can do this in the morning or at night. While you are clenching and releasing your muscles say to yourself; what do I need to realize about my current situation. Listen to the answer. It is coming from a deeper place that knows.
The next thing for you to do is take the time to write first thing in the morning. They are called, “Morning Pages.” It is exactly three pages of writing. Just write, no editing. Again, just let this writing come from a deeper part of you that knows. Strange this may come up. Do not judge, just accept them. It may bring you clarity.
The last thing for you to do is the “Walk for Clarity”. Take a walk-in nature for about thirty minutes. As you walk, pay attention to the internal dialogue. As you become more accustomed to walking, you will begin to get in touch with your true nature. This is the time to commune with nature and the place inside yourself. Honor and love the wisdom in your life.
Become a part of The Empowered Woman Project: Follow my Blog @womanistempowermentseries.com. I can help you through this transition as you awaken to your Greater Self
Chapter VII Journal Entry ________________________________________________________________________________________________