The Path to Womanhood–Life as “The Wise Queen”

My Internal Life




Her path to Queen-Ship

What is it that defines women, is it the beliefs, virtues, or traits? Is it the stories we tell ourselves? What makes women unique; the thing that says who you really are?

Let us look for answers in that quite place within, the spiritual dimension, the subtle presence we feel and know is real, the thing we call nature and personality. How did it all come about? Were you born to fulfill a destiny and if not what are you to do while you’re here on earth? We can also say that leadership is a trait that you can develop.

What are the stories you tell you tell yourself? The person you show to the world? The life that lives through you? Does it happen automatically without any conscious thought at all; or is it a life you were given, birthed into, one your parents revealed to you as you looked into their eyes for acceptance and love. Were you allowed to be, encouraged to develop your gifts and talents or were they smothered like a flame, crushed before you became a flowering plant.

I want to examine who I really am so I close my eyes and look inward at the things I do and say which happen so automatically. Did I model myself after someone close to me, so near I could touch the air between us and breathe their breath and call it my own. Are these the traits I want to embrace and bring close to my heart, or is it something other I want for myself?

Like the modeling I see with my granddaughter Rylie, who sits in the shadow of Cailin, an older sibling. The two so close, Rylie thinks she’s Cailin, as she wears her shoes, her nightgown. She wants what Cailin has, Rylie wants so much to be Cailin that she will scream and holler if she cannot.

I must first take a journey inside myself to see what I’m really about. I can make some changes if I find traits undesirable to my liking as I become the person I want to be.

I will explore how my experiences have molded me into the person I am today.

How my inner guide now directs me to a life that loom before my eyes. I step into it willingly, not as a child but as a mature woman able to make conscious choices.

The life of the “THE WISE QUEEN, The mother for children of the World; The Feminine Leadership Archetype I will explore.

I was at home in the shadows of society. People looked past me as if I wasn’t there, as if I didn’t exist, as if I didn’t matter, as if I’m wasn’t a part of humanity.

I observed from behind the shadows into the inner workings of the world. I saw how the worship of money and power destroyed humanity. I sat for many moons wanting the time to be right, grew impatient and angry and suffered because I did not realize it was not my time. I felt powerless and insecure so into the arms of a man I ran.

I was caught up in this vicious cycle of running, trying to catch up. Not really sure what I was running from. I suffered in silence and wrote of how it pained the body to have love in my arms and watch it slip away.

I would lie until the ache in my heart was too great then I would separate. This went on for many years, wanting love but realizing what I had was not love at all it was a substitute, a trap, arms like vice grips holding down my true heart. The deception continued and my true self stayed hidden in the shadows of a man.

I bathed in his sweat and passion and hands that brought pleasure, but it was only temporary, like a drug.  I surrendered my heart but never to receive it back. I denied my own humanity for this moment of pleasure, for it was in pleasure that I was lost.

I was lost in the middle of the ocean, without an oar or sail to steer me ashore. I drifted in and out of consciousness and the arms of men, their faces a blur. I only wanted to feel love, but it was a shadow of the real thing, not true love.

It was an attempt to heal my bleeding heart, so long ago broken and crushed as a little girl when  I was left alone, feeling unloved and worthless, feeling that intensified as I grew older. Pain was the shadow I cast upon the world, not able to accept that I wasn’t loved, the hurtful feelings of being unloved was too much to bear, so I buried it deep within and the shadow grew bigger still.

The shadow stayed hidden for many years till the strength to hold it back was too much to bear. The heart so heavy it began to crack.  The crack began a rupture that let light in. The light was a source so I could see my brokenness.

In pain there’s a light that shines the path to healing. I sat and read, studied and wrote and drummed my pain away. Poetry helped me get in touch with my inner life. I knew I had to let go of the past so I could move on. All those years of living in the shadow helped me to build a strong inner core.

The shadow was my way to retreat into an inner world, to explore my inner beauty and strength, the vast inner world. I found beauty and purpose in drumming and poetry. Poetry was the window that opened and let the light in so I could see the beauty inside of me. I saw how the anger I expressed was a way to cover my hurt. The consequences of holding pain and suffering drove me near to a stroke. There was tension on the left side of my body. A chiropractor ten years ago told me my left hip was raised. I could feel it when I walked. I had to do something to change my life.

I had denied my own humanity and right to have love and respect in my life. I saw how when I let go of the pain a new world opened to me. I began to embrace this truer aspect of me.

Years of building the self, like one small pebble into a pile, till the pile was as high and strong as Mount Fuji, a majestic mountain, with an inner core solid and secure. I saw my potential to lead a life of value and truth.

We women have the strength of heart. It is the earth that gives is home. It is here on earth that we protect and mother the world. We are the natural protectors of this world. I’ve found purpose; and in purpose there’s strength. I step willingly into my full power as a woman and leader for humanity.

The Wise Queen is the model I follow. It is through her struggles that she reaches her full womanhood.  I’ve found the strength and purpose to live for. I look within to the mysteries of being and know there’s a universal aspect of me, which connects to the whole of humanity.

That great sea of life contains the whole of humanity. I embrace this power; there’s also a personal aspect to my life, the feminine eyes I look through and out into the world, as one molecule of water that joins the sea, such is the wonders and mysteries of life, at any time the power of the sea is in me, the two of us forever as one.

We women are as powerful as the roaring sea. Recognize your relationship to humanity; know the path you must travel. Step into full womanhood and lead children, your families and the world with compassion and wisdom. When your time to mature comes you will develop your full potential as a woman and lead the free world.

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